enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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my distorted body image

So this is going to be the most vain entry of all time.

I've realized that I do, indeed, have a body image problem!

You know how for several years now I've been trying to buy jeans with no success, even though I'm a size 0 to a size 2 ? Yes, I know, I am an idiot.

So, finally, after all of this time--and buying and returning crappy jeans from cheap stores--I went into a hip store and asked the hip young salesgirls to FIND ME A PAIR OF JEANS.

And you know what? The jeans fit. They all fit. And I walked out with a great pair of jeans. Yes, they cost twice as much as I would usually consider paying. But if I wear these for another four or more years and I count all of the precious TIME that I have spent trying on and returning CHEAP jeans, these jeans have already paid for themselves.

And how do I know that I have a body image problem? Well because I finally bought a small size after the girls convinced me that they looked great on me. I had thought that they were too tight and was going to go a size up.

But lo and behold I came home, put them on, and NO, they are not too tight.

My friend is always telling me that I should dress with a little bit more sex appeal. I always think that I look sexy--in a very conservative sort of way--but I was wrong! My skirts are always falling off of me, my pants too...It's crazy when I look at myself in the mirror in these jeans and then compare to the fit of my other clothes. There is no comparison.

It's funny how you can get into a groove of self-loathing that can be so pervasive and persistent.

Now I wish I had accepted that last drink date with the stupid ex-boyfriend. :) He told me once that I should stand in front of the mirror naked sometime and really look at myself. He'd noticed that I was putting myself down frequently; I'd thought I was just being modest or realistic about my shortcomings.

Anyhow. So, rule of thumb: Always get hip young girls to dress you... if you can. :)

7:41 p.m. - 2007-03-10

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