enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A medium shit day

Hi friends,

Sorry for the last couple of days. I fell off the rails a bit . Seems I am always doing that. Up and down. Up and down.

I do agree with what you, my very clever friends have said, however, which is that some days will be great and some days shit. That's the life I was born to. I feel I almost ought to develop a shit index, and post a shit warning on the top of each entry.

I suppose it is human to feel sadness over the Andrea thing. I haven't had much pleasant attention here at home in a while.

This brings me to the guy who asked me out the other day. He really is a very nice guy, but I fear that his benign stupidity would have me feeling depressed very quickly and thinking of the liveliness of mind and diverse interests of Andrea. (In fact, I found myself getting frustrated with him and starting to get aggressive about it on the first date. Never a good sign...)

Also, as I mentioned, I was invited to the Italian garden party, which will be the week after next. I haven't heard from that woman for a long time, so my inkling is that once again one of her friends is single and she now thinks it reasonable to throw me into the mix.

I think I've decided though that my heart is resting. That's a nice way to put it, isn't it? It's evident that I don't care about the party as I haven't given one thought to what I'll wear to it. Probably the same dress I wore last year. It just doesn't matter.

On to more important things...I do wish I could get over whatever this fatigue is that I've been feeling. I managed about ten rows of knitting the border for a summer sweater last night, and then I had to go to bed. No drawing. No running. Tonight I will have to do better. I had wanted to run this morning but it would have been too rushed. As it is I need to get into the shower and head to French.

What I find amazing is the contrast of work with vacation. I do this work work work thing day in and day out in the winter. I keep up the pace. But then I go on vacation and subsequently getting back into the rhythm of constantly being around people and having to make decisions and think about things and produce things is more exhausting than I'd remembered. I wait for the weekend but then the weekend passes like lightning and I'm back at "Hello, welcome to Monday!"

Yes, it is a problem to be doing work for work that you are not passionate about. Still, financially I cannot change at the moment. So make the best of it.

I was lying in bed this morning thinking that indeed I will have to paint the apartment this weekend. That is a job that has been waiting for too long and it could be the start of something big. Or not. At least my walls won't be yellow.

I'm conditioning my hair with olive oil. Try it! It works.

I have a ridiculous number of fabulous Florence photos still to show you, but I am afraid that I have lost the plot on that. All of them remind me of Andrea, or at least of the sequence of events of the particular day. I'm feeling a little bit fragile on that one. :) And this kind of pisses me off. He's just a MAN, after all. It is extremely annoying that we women get suckered by our hormones. Which reminds me of the Indian doctor whom I met in London. I told you a little bit about her. She was interesting. But it must be said, also still young. "Men don't really fall in love," she said. She shook her head vigorously. "Not really. They only release very small amounts of oxytoc!n (the bonding hormone). For them, 'love' is an analytical decision based on what your trade is to them." (In other words: Sucker!) I had never really thought of it that way before (I mean the love part. I understand about the sex part. I mean, what girl over sixteen doesn't understand the men and sex part...). So, discuss amongst yourselves. Do men really fall in love? Is this why we love gay men or near-gay men? Yes, yes I think it is.

This all gets me thinking that I'd really like to try some of Fifi's flavoured vodkas and mixes. Why don't you live near here, Fifi??

The following three photos are all blurry, but I like them anyway. I took them out the window as we were driving. Well, maybe not the second one. I can't remember.

XOXO

And how about some tags and tab3rnacles:

7:49 a.m. - 2010-06-02

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