enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Melancholia!

ARGHHHHHHH...

I am up early. I am all ready to go. I don't really have to be at the airport for another hour and a half.

Last night was lovely, as Andrea and I went up to Fiesole to watch the sunset. We talked and I actually cried! He cried too, but more because I was crying, I think. But then he cried when he dropped me off.

For sure it can't go anywhere. I really cannot live in Italy full time and he cannot live in Canada. He keeps on talking about me coming back to visit in the fall and in the spring maybe for longer, but the truth is that I don't see what kind of a solution that is. We are both hoping to find someone special to be with, and he is 43 and isn't getting any younger. He wants to have a family.

I don't know. It seems very sad, but I suppose it is normal that sometimes people meet someone they really like but who cannot realistically be a life partner. I always thought it would be easy. Boy was I wrong.

Andrea and I spent a lot of time together - at least 7 hours a day for the past almost two weeks - and we had the most wonderful time. Particularly on Saturday in Volt3rra, we both noted, we were having an exceptional time. It was incredibly beautiful.

OK. I'm going to try not to cry or to belabour this. It's how life is. Most of all, I will try to go back home and not immediately dismiss all of the men who come my way.

The thing is that Andrea is very intelligent, so I do realize that I cannot get together with the guy who is meant to call me in June (whom I met in April). He was sweet and athletic but too stupid for me.

What I'm going to do is enroll in an art class or maybe two this summer. I'm just going to bite the bullet and pay for the expensive class at the proper art school, about which I have heard mixed things. At least it is worth a try.

I will also join the bicycle club. I am thinking, too, that something else might be interesting. Perhaps I will join an astronomy club like Andrea.

At any rate, just saying that, I think I am going to need a little while before someone else is going to seem so beautiful to me. I know it sounds silly, but it is true. From start to finish he made me feel incredibly special and valued. He is amazing. I really can't understand why a man like that is single. It makes me know that soon he will not be so. :(

It has been so long since I have met anyone of any interest at home, that I fear I am in for another long haul of singledom. I certainly hope not, but I am not very optimistic. Perhaps though that that is the problem. And maybe if I'm doing art at home and thinking about changing my job, I'll be happier and therefore more attractive.

Ah well. It was good. I had something good.

Time to grab a coffee. I think I'll head to the airport a bit early. Why not?

XOXO

6:35 a.m. - 2010-05-25

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