enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Probably just hormones.

I woke up frustrated today. I want things to change soon!

Sometimes I think it is useful to be angry though. I was writing out my feelings of anger (really frustration) and they sort of made sense. I feel a bit angry over C. and his girlfriend, in part because I'm jealous that C. is able to just "settle" here and feel happy. I can't seem to do that.

That said, I know that I should also celebrate my progress. I have had a lot of happy feelings lately, and slowly I have been organizing my life here very well. I have experienced the huge pleasure of learning Italian. I have been working on my French. I have knitted a couple of sweaters I really like. My apartment is in pretty good shape and I have a plan to continue with this. These are lots of things I didn't have before. I've even made a back-up plan to buy another ticket and go later, even if the worst happens and the ash prevents me from getting to Europe in 2.5 weeks. I will make it happen. Oh, and I will go forward with my leave to Italy, even though it will be difficult for me to not be scared about damaging my career by doing so.

So, lots of progress. I remind myself to keep steady and on my own track, and never compare myself to what I imagine other people's satisfaction to be.

I also need to buy a plane ticket to New York (or rather arrange one on points). I am quite serious about making a visit this summer.

OK. I must run.
XO

8:31 a.m. - 2010-04-19

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