enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Abbastanz@

SO I just read my entry of this morning, and all of the answers were there!

I had a fairly shitty day. As I said, I woke up with frustration. That disolved fairly quickly, but then I was left with a malaise of sorts. I got through the morning mostly just by cutting myself some slack, but I wasn't very productive. Slowly though I wound myself into action, and by the end of the day I had a solid work effort to leave behind.

I'm sure it's partly hormones. I'm SURE that my period has to come any day now. I feel sufficiently irrational for it to be not that. I'm also bored with Ottawa, as we know. I do have to pat myself on the back for making a concerted effort to get on track, however, which I did to at least some degree by aiming to be in the moment on my way home. I obviously know what has to be done, and I know that self-compassion is the answer. I'm cutting myself some slack today.

Today, I also finally went online at lunch and bought that skirt I've been pining for for at least a month. Now if I can just pursuade myself to buy a couple of additional work shirts, I will have a not-extravagant but adequate and very pretty wardrobe for work. I don't know why I make this so difficult for myself. But I suppose I am trying to train myself to think differently about things that would have once been more spontaneous purchases, because I want to, at least on some level, make my as-yet-not-completely-clear goals happen.

Well, that's it. I wish there were some wit to add to the sobriety of my posts lately. I don't know. It's a process. I had tea with the gay man in my office today, in large part because we realized we were wearing nearly identical outfits (him minus the pumps) and we wanted to parade around downstairs in all of our glory. :) (We were both in pale lemon-coloured shirts (him with a pretty blue and lemon striped tie). I had on a grey skirt, and he navy trousers...we were very well harmonized. :)). Well, you have to make do with the material you have to work with. I also spread a packet of Florence photos that I had in my purse at hte base of my monitor this morning, so that I could stare at the Duomo. C. was amused that this is the only thing that could defuse my desire to have a temper tantrum. ;)

XXO

6:48 p.m. - 2010-04-19

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