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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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spring flowers - daffodil pic tomorrow

Hey dolls!

Forgot one very interesting and positive thing that came out of my mom's visit.

We were unpacking the van and I had told her not to dump any more "junk" on me (last time, she left all sorts of old stuff that was badly packed, smelly from the garage, and some of it wasn't even mine (my brothers')). But I was peeking in and I could see my old stuffed-to-the-gills art portfolio (large) that my grandmother bought for me when I was six. Fortunately, that was the only "junk" that my mom had brought.

I brought it in and this afternoon I peeked in, slightly. It is full of drawings from when I was a kid, plus a couple of paintings. There's a painting of an eagle that I did when I was about eight, but more importantly there was a random painting that I did when I was in my late teens, of an old stone house on the river near where my parents used to live. It's pretty good. I was quite amazed. I forgot that I could paint reasonably well. Somehow, I've always judged my painting as "bad." I'm really afraid to want to paint. But that painting, without any formal training, shows promise, I think (at least in the way that I think of promise). The thing was that I hadn't even remembered that I had done this painting (and there are probably many others that I have forgotten). I've really been blocked in a lot of important ways.

The point is...it's not about what other people think is good. It's about opening yourself up to doing work that you care about and that gives you a sense of fulfillment. I am getting there. Slowly, but I will.

Now I'm having trouble deciding what to do. Do I go out for a run? Do I sit on the couch and drink wine? ;) Do I go out and buy some bread?

Ah, my life is challenging.

XO Happy weekend.

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7:10 p.m. - 2010-04-10

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Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08