enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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People suck.

Hi there,

Am kind of in a bad mood, although I had a pretty good day.

It wasn't actually a good day, given that I have problems with my econometric results. I did, however, put in a good effort at French class. The one thing that I'm proud of is that at least 95% of the time I'm really there, in it, in everything that I do. I'm conscientious. I think that's a good thing.

I really hate people in Ottawa though! (Small rant) I don't know what the problem is with people here. I was in the supermarket and not one, not two, but three people just about knocked me over and not one even said, "Excuse me!" One particularly gruesome socialite-looking woman in a red leather short jacket kind of wordlessly sneered at me as I said, "Excuse me," as we turned the corner of an aisle at the same time and nearly bumped into each other. (I did refrain subsequently from saying, "That hideously ugly jacket that probably cost you $2,000 is clearly putting a cramp in your politesse." I don't get it. It's like one is supposed to be invisible and nonchalant about everything. I really miss manners. That makes me sound kind of uptight and stupid, but how I crave simple politeness and genuine friendliness. It seems to have gone the way of the dodo. And the rudeness really sours my mood. I know I'm too sensitive, but it makes me want to cry. I remember such warm and friendly people when I was a kid.

These things shouldn't sour my mood; I shouldn't allow them to.

Oh and my mother is insisting on coming up to visit me and dumping some more stuff on me. I'm afraid I shall have to say yes. I sort of told her this Saturday (but I didn't say "so I can get this out of the way"). Don't get me wrong - I've made peace with my mother. I just don't particularly enjoy the onslaught of the home renovation and uber-critical army that is my mother. It's a bit like having Martha St3wart visit when you were hoping for tea and a giggle with the Dal@i Lama.

Ah well, such are my genes. I'll get her to pick out the paint for my living room. She's good at that and I clearly am not.

I think I'm going to pour a glass of wine and cry a bit. I'm not really sad, only I find a release is good every now and then. I find living in this place so taxing! Where are the kind, gentle people? Where are they? All the ones I've known have died or live far away. Help!

And PS, I also feel on the cusp of becoming a raging and frankly angry feminist. I'm sick of seeing younger women dressed in cheap, inadequate attire at the office, and of every time I open my fucking email being faced with "news" items about so and so's "bikini bod." Fuck off, get a grip, and feed some hungry people, will you? XO

7:17 p.m. - 2010-04-07

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