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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Onward and upward

I'm not good with either of endings or choices, I find. Choosing one thing means closing a door.

I woke up this morning feeling uneasy. I'm uneasy still about having potentially hurt a friend. (Maybe I was wrong? Which is why I rarely confront anyone about anything...and why I am not a judge...) I was also questioning my choice to change my trip to Paris.

I suppose the best way to look at it is as though it all doesn't matter in a way now, since it is in the past and the past - at least as I can view it - is solidly behind me.

I don't feel that way, but in time I will come to feel that way I am sure. I suppose if I'm saying that I don't feel that way, it's because I don't think that way, so I ought to get into the shower and try to think my way into that state of mind.

Meh. My step-father always said one thing that is true: Life is difficult.

I always thought that was stupid and pessimistic and annoying, but generally it's a true statement. It's how we react to the difficulties that matter. Right now I feel stupid, inadequate and sort of guilty. It's for me to let go of those responses and think about what I can do "right" now.

I need a vacation. This winter has tired me out.

XOXO

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8:48 a.m. - 2010-03-30

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