enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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BOught stuff.

Hi friends,

I had a really nice day today. It's the most important day of the year for us, but the work was all done, naturally, before the day, and so there was nothing to worry about.

So here we are.

A few colleagues went out after work, so I joined them for a Guinness. The group consisted of A - the woman I adore - and two others (both married). The married people are both very cool people though, so it was great fun. I really enjoyed myself. I wish that these things were more regular.

They were very sympathetic about the dating. A. recently met a man and is very serious with him already. She met him on the TERRIBLE website on which I find myself. Perhaps I'm simply not doing it in the right way. I could see how I would be intimidating.

But anyhow. I didn't tell you the most embarrassing part. I was stood up last week. It was kind of the last humiliating experience in a string of humiliating experiences. I'm trying not to take this seriously, but it's difficult not to internalize it. I mean, and the guy is supposedly over 45! I just don't understand!

I'm still trying to focus on myself and to enjoy life. Today, I bought myself some new spring clothes online. I was resisting and resisting - not allowing myself to buy anything since my red winter coat - and then I allowed myself to pick out a few tops - all practical, this time - for my vacation. I also bought two skirts. The tops are all in pretty colours (one pink-striped work shirt with three-quarters sleeves for summer, and the others in white with pink, lilac, and white with a pretty neckline and some small ruffle details). One of the skirts has a watercolour pattern and it is in silk and cotton. I don't know. I deserve it. I have worked hard and I have been very disciplined. I have suffered, more importantly. :) If you're working, what are you working for?

It has been a long winter, I feel, people. But I am OK. I appreciate my job more than ever. I have interesting work to do and many interesting things that I can pursue in the future in my career. It is a good deal. Now if only I could have more than one decent date per year, and, God forbid, sex once in a while, all would be thrilling.

I should eat. XOXO

8:19 p.m. - 2010-03-04

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