enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Preoccupations

I am feeling pretty good. I just wrote some morning pages and was very much into the "flow." The outflow felt positive, supportive, truthful and fun.

I know I need to simply trust that I'm "on my path," and that the trials of dating are only a small part of it, but I have to tell you how much that online dating is rankling me. I want to date and potentially find someone to spend time with this year, but my pride really hates having to deal with all of the horrible guys on there. It's demeaning. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I'm amazed that women put up with that. I just don't know how anyone could tolerate the lack of consideration, the insults, the clear lack of respect for women. And let's not even talk about the stupidity... I am too good, kind, honest and truthful for all of that crap. How do you wade through it? What is a girl to do? I don't meet anyone anywhere else. Last night there were a couple of guys in the supermarket, but no eye contact, no nothing. Probably they are attached. I live in an "attached" kind of an area. It's simply hopeless. It's a city empty of decent single men.

Speaking of all of this, the funny thing is that my French friend, Sabrina, emailed me last night. She's the one who wrote a couple of weeks ago that she is focusing on meditation. Well, apparently she is in Spain and she "met a cute guy." Apparently "Spanish guys are as cute as Italian guys - you should try."

Ha! So funny!

Enough of that. I permit myself a small amount of complaining about the ignorant treatment I'm receiving from men here.

I don't know. I don't feel that upset. And I certainly don't feel impatient. I want to meet someone nice and smart and classy and respectful. That's going to take work. Lots of work.

Alas!

Today seems to be a lovely day. I can't tell you how much I don't want to go to work today. Work has wound down. Now I go into a heavy research period, which is always an interesting challenge. We're almost finished with the one big project, my co-author and I, but then I am meant to start another one that will involve working with that senior economist I loathe (great programmer; useless from a thinking point of view). And SOOOOOO annoying. His picture is in the dictionary beside the word "irritant." And do you know what the worst part is? He's also a malicious gossip. Not to be trusted. The Yap Yap from the seat was yesterday. It was funny to be at the office last night at 6:15 or so and realize that I was the only one still there. Everyone had cleared out.

Tonight, C. wants me to go to a film, museum tour and presentation on Afghanistan. In principle I am not averse, but sometimes even *I* think that I live too much of a life of cramming ideas into my head. Maybe I should go mud wrestling or something instead. :) An alternative could be the pub for a couple of pints (but then I wouldn't be able to work tomorrow).

Ah well! What can I say? The weekend is coming up soon. I'm also going to that art opening on Friday, and I have plans to go to see a young filmmaker present his "buzzy" film on Saturday night...of course, with the silver-haired couples who seem to be the only people who go to these things in Ottawa.

A big SMOOCHEROO!

8:10 a.m. - 2010-03-04

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