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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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La donn@ e mobil3

Am a little bit tired today.

Was a bit distracted at lunch, thinking about this trip I'm meant to plan. I found a good flight going into London in mid-April and leaving Florence early in May, and I got all excited about taking the train in between: London to Paris to see Sabrina; Paris to Zurich or Milano during the day; and then overnight in Zurich and a brilliant daytime ride through the i Alpi to Firenze or maybe even a zip over to Venice before Firenze.

But somehow I lost my nerve - booking all of those trains, worrying about getting to Florence. Why, I don't know. Stupid me. So I'm going to back off today. Also, I went to Italian class tonight and that got me aching to take that Italian class, even if it is in May. I'll probably get my nerve and verve back for the first option tomorrow (i.e. London and then..), but tonight I know when to let go.

So, all is well. Italian was actually fairly intense, but very enjoyable. It's cold and horrid outside though and as I was walking back from class at 9:30 p.m. I was thinking that I live my entire life in the dark these days. I get some natural light in my office, but only indirectly. I shouldnt't complain, as I'm getting up early to do my morning pages (without fail!), and I sat in front of my SAD lamp today. Still, things feel grey and...gross. I feel a little bit gross, to be frank. I hate the way that my skin feels and looks in the winter.

SPeaking of winter skin, I put on a couple of my summer dresses in the course of my stressing out yesterday (thankfully I liked the way they looked), but I was grossed out by my winter flesh. Isn't winter flesh horrid?? Pale, dry. It's icky. I can't wait until the gentle Tuscan sun caresses my skin in Aprile...

Oh sigh. I do love that place so much. I love London, too, so I don't know why I'm doubting going there. It's difficult to explain, but as a colonial who grew up with a grandmother with a British headmaster father...I dreamed of London as a little girl. I read Dick3ns and Somers3t M@augham and V!rginia Wo0lf (and EM Forst3r, of course). Favourite guilty pleasure: Dani3l Deronda. I don't know. It seemed my destiny to go to London. And I did.

So anyhow, I overcomplicate everything, so I am going to put on a cozy sweater and my fleece pyjama pants and curl up on the sofa.

Ecks OH! PS Anna, Thanks for your note! I wouldn't need a lift from Gatw!ck, although I appreciate the offer. I would probably stay overnight in London (to sleep after an overnight flight), and then take a train to see you on the appropriate day. Would love to see the run as well. Will let you know when I get my act together. :)

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10:06 p.m. - 2010-02-22

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