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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Only a little bit of attitude.

Hi there,

I wrote a few times yesterday and then I deleted the items. Maybe I should have a "no diarying" policy for Sundays, because Sundays seem to be my stupid, ruminating day. I don't feel so badly about this, as on my favourite photo blog by the most upbeat, friendly girl...she states that "Even though I am an optimistic person, Sundays, without fail, get me down."

SO I'm not the only one!


Yesterday I think it was ruminating over my budget. After the party on Saturday, yesterday I wanted to buy myself some pretty new tops. I went online and had them picked out, and then I struggled all day to NOT buy them. It would be perfectly reasonable for me to buy some cute tops for going out, as I have none, and perfectly reasonable to buy a couple of new shirts for work, which I was going to do as well (my standard white ones are reaching the point of wearing out, not to mention that half of my shirts are tight in the bust with my current, winter boobaliciousness), but I DON'T want to respond to insecurity by trying to change my appearance. I considered it a real triumph that I didn't buy anything yesterday, which would have been an old habit I thought I had lost, but on the other hand I put myself through crap for what? A hundred and fifty dollars?

So, in other words, not the best day.

But I did pick myself up in the end. I went skating for an hour. I thought it was pretty neat that when I got to the lake it was dark and eerie and I could skate around in a huge circle. I also thought it was neat that they had a large screen set up for watching the Olympics on the lake. Unfortunately, when I got there, there were people in stands and someone actually standing in front of them getting them to cheer, so I couldn't even enjoy the race of one of our speed skaters. I really can't stand heady patriotism. It makes me nuts. "We are Canadian! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Well, fuck that, people - an accident of birth. Let's make this country a better, fairer place, and then we can crow. Stop being fools. ANd please, let us never have another Olympics.

Back to my cheery old self, I see. :)

Actually, I'm very cheery. For some reason I'm OK once Mondays roll around. I'm running late though - time to roll.

Be well!
XXOX

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8:32 a.m. - 2010-02-22

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