enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Subtitled: Are you insane???

Don't worry about me. I'm quite alright.

I will admit that I've been in the doldrums today for the last few hours. I've been working through it, however...you know.

It's difficult not to fall into the trap of being self-pitying. You know the drill. That fucking Val3ntine's Day thing.

C. was off tonight I guess with that woman he is seeing, which doesn't make me feel any better. If even grumpy, obsessive C. can find someone...

But here's the amusing thing. I was feeling rather shitty and so I decided I'd go out for some fresh air and to see if I could pick up something at the supermarket. Fresh, cold air is always a nice breath of fresh, cold air...

I got out to the main road only to find that the supermarket had closed at 8 p.m. What!??? Yuppies put up with that? ;)

(Everything in Ottawa closes early. It's annoying. :))

I got back to the apartment feeling somewhat refreshed, only to find an email from THAT COFFEE SHOP guy who stared at me all last summer and who had invited me out for coffee and then a glass of wine and then dinner...back in DECEMBER and then didn't follow through.

So he had emailed me this evening saying, "I hope you remember me. Can we go out tomorrow?"

I'm sorry if I'm a rude person or unforgiving or something...but having not received any follow through before now, I'm a bit annoyed. I mean it's been two months of AWOL and all of a sudden you want to go out TOMORROW?

So, I don't know if you agree, but I told him that at this point there was no point, since as he had made the invitation such a long time ago and was only pursuing it now it didn't come across in a flattering light. Also, I was nice and said that I wished him well, no hard feelings.

I mean, are Canadian men MORONS or what? I was only ever very polite to him, said yes when he asked previously, was friendly, was on the ball...and now all of a sudden I'm to be at his beck and call.

It was kind of the last straw today, but it was so last-straw-ish that I'm actually smiling and laughing, and I think it might have turned around my V-Day.

After all, I am dating myself, and I AM FANTASTIC. I don't need these fools.

And besides, a good friend of mine told me the other day that I "deserve a handsome, intelligent man who adores me." I'm waiting for that.

So how do you like them apples, stupid staring man??? (Who incidentally just wrote back to say that he hadn't been dong any dating. He'd been busying implementing some new systems after he got back from vacation in early January. But since he invited me for dinner in mid-January and then never followed through...wouldn't you agree that he owed me at LEAST A NOTE BEFORE THIS?? Am I nuts or mean or something? What do you think? I haven't yet replied. I know I'm harsh and very black and white (my French teacher said this to me last week when we were doing a discussion of opinion section: "C'est certain avec vous! C'est noir ou blanc" I think he said. It is true: I AM very opinionated. And rather haughty at times, I am ashamed to say. My back gets up and it is just. not. right. I start stomping my little feet (or at least I want to).)

In other news, I spent an hour or so trying to figure out my Italy flights for April or May. Unfortunately my budget is quite constrained. Hopefully the promotion money will have come through by then, which will help, but in general I'm realizing that my huge rent increase when I moved to this place has put a dent in my budget. Nevermind. I haven't found a good Florence - London combo, but I will keep looking. My original idea today was to go to London for a week around EAster (to take advantage of the additional holiday days (my other problem being the abject lack of decent annual vacation leave)), and then on to Florence, but I'm not paying 1600+ for that. I found a much cheaper combo that would involve flying into and out of Florence and taking a weekend trip to London on the weekend of the 26th to the 28th of April (provided that I only

Oh I don't know. It will all work out in the end. It always does.

And by the way, I shouldn't complain. I was invited out by girlfriends to go to a movie this afternoon and then to go to an 80s mod night for dancing tonight. I declined both. My own fault. I have no one to blame but myself.

I did, however, do my Artist's Way stuff as noted this morning and I studied Italian at my beautiful art table for two hours this afternoon.

It was not all a waste.

Incidentally, I was just going through my list of Italian verbs and the last one, when I looked it up in the dictionary (piangere) means "to weep." Coincidence? I think not...HUGS HUGS HUGS!

9:32 p.m. - 2010-02-14

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