enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Painting a picture

Incidentally, I had drinks/dinner with the poet scientist last night.

It's funny. If I had met him now instead of three years ago, I'd be ready to date him. I think at root he is a really, really good guy. We're also intellectually very compatible.

The thing is that he has now been more than 2.5 years in his relationship with his girlfriend, and they are living together.

I don't regret not dating him then. He was a mess. And the woman he picked at the time - and for at least a year - he wasn't very attracted to. He seems to have settled into a rhythm with her, and he says that "she appreciates me."

So my reaction to this is to wonder: was she clever and she latched on to a good thing (she's my age), when I was unwilling to do that? The answer to that is probably yes. I appreciated her position at the time - established in Ottawa, wanted children, not physically attractive. I understood that she was going to fight for wht she could get, even if it was less than perfect. She knew that he was attracted to me, for example. Maybe one has to do that in life.

I might now wish that he were available to try something out, but if I have to ask if I regret my decision from back then when he was (still married and depressed) as he was and I was as I was (depressed and insecure about career prospects, etc.), can I say that I have regrets? No, I can't regret.

It's interesting, isn't it? You do wonder. The decisions that you make have huge implications for the future.

Will I end up stuck in an endless loop with a dreamer such as Marco from which I get pretty much nothing?

Perhaps.

Oh well. Be true to thine self. I've never made a relationship decision out of fear of being alone or of desperation. It might be lonely at the top :), but I have to be happy with that. I'm just kidding. I think what is happening to me is that I'm starting to see that there are more nuances to things. Maybe I should be more open-minded and flexible about where people are coming from. I suppose I ought to start by first forgiving myself.

)

XO

All good. I just wrapped my secret Santa gift. I need to shower and pack up the party treats. It's -20 C here today, -30 C with the windchill. Great, no? ;)

8:01 a.m. - 2009-12-17

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other diaries:

stepfordtart
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awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell