enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Useful insight into anxiety

Can you tell that I'm feeling a bit anxious today? Third post.

:)

Actually, I've been knitting since I came back from the run. That seems to soothe me.

I read an interesting article on Saturday. It was a random read. It was an article in the New York Tim3s by a writer who had decided to work on her marriage. She was commenting on her husband's obsession with cooking. And this is what she (Elizabeth W3il) said, which I thought was incredibly insightful:

I knew Dan�s cooking and his obsessions in general were mechanisms to bind his anxiety, attempts to bring order to an unruly mind. Without an outlet, Dan tended toward depression, and his depression vented as anger. In his early 20s, he learned the trick of focusing and applying himself, at nearly all times, so his energy would not, as he put it, �turn bad.� I respected this, even appreciated it, in theory. But I struggled with the specifics. Dan cooked, because he needed to cook, blitzing through one cookbook after another, putting little check marks next to every recipe. He was not cooking for me, not for the girls.

It got me thinking, in fact. I've never believed in medicating the person. I don't mean that medicating is never a good idea. What I mean is that what I want for problems is a lasting solution. So this leaves one with two possibilities. The first is that one can truly CHANGE the fundamentals of one's personality over time, slowly. The second option is that one becomes better and better at using coping mechanisms or counter-devices.

Obviously, when I'm deeply focused at work I kill two birds with one stone: I'm highly productive AND I feel good about myself because I'm doing something constructive with my overactive brain. And of course there's the added side effect of maintaining and advancing a career.

Lately I've found that I need my knitting in the evenings to keep me grounded. I've gone through intense reading phases as well. And of course there's running.

It does make one inquire as to whether the cycles will end at some point.

I suppose that whether or not they will end is not the material point. The material point is whether I'm enjoying life. At the moment, I'd give the day-to-day something between a 6 and a 7. I suppose that the rating would be higher had I not to deal with C's issues (he tends to lash out at me, since I'm the nearest close friend). But in the last 6 months I've experienced many days that ranked an 8 or better.

I guess the thing is to always note that it's a process. I've been pretty good about this lately. I literally recognize that I'm accepting what is, and I'm pretty patient about what is to come.

Anyhow. I'm rambling. I took a break from knitting to put tomorrow's lunch in the oven and I had these thoughts that I wanted to put down. I did think the insight above was worth recording. Being analytical is in general a benefit, but it's definitely also a burden. The brain never stops. :)

11:08 p.m. - 2009-12-09

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other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell