enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I feel quite good, but perhaps not as relaxed as I ought. Time for wine (which I did remember to buy)!

Wow. What a day. A good one, for the most part, although I have so much to do and so little time!

I went to the dentist this morning and had my first fillings in twenty-three years, if you can believe it. In the last week, with the full work-up, filling replacements and x-rays, I've spent nearly eight hundred dollars in dental care. It was very sobering. I can't imagine what it must be like for people who do not have insurance as I do. It made me feel sad.

My dentist is super-cool and awesome and interesting. She has a high-tech, environmentally-friendly, all-digital office, and she even draws pictures for her patients of bones and forces acting on bones, all whilst going through x-rays and photos of the patient's teeth. Being an analytical person, I loved all of the dirt on my teeth and jaws. Very educational!

She's also quite athletic and knows many athletes. We had a rip-roaring time chatting. And it was all painless! Having not had any fillings and so on in so many years, it was very surprising to see how painless modern techniques make the experience. I was remembering my childhood with laughing gas, needles that you could feel, and even occasional drilling that hit nerves. EEW! It's no wonder people didn't like dentists then.

So anyhow...nice day at the dentist. I feel shiny and new. My dentist is so cool that if I were a lesbian I would almost certainly fall for her!

Sadly, not a lesbian. Ah what am I saying? It's not sad. It's just that nice dudes are so few and far between. The truth is that the more I get to know more dudes in middle-age, the more I think that men are not bad so much as they are muddled, under-developed. Do we have their mothers to blame for this, or is it genetic? I think it's partly mothers. My mother worked me like her downstairs maid and babied my brothers. Tells you something..

And then I went to work and was able to concentrate very well, for the most part. I also got invited to a concert on Saturday night and I'm actually going to go! Imagine that! I don't even like most of the people who are going. But I figure that the music will be loud and I won't have to talk to them.

I should feel badly about saying things like that, I suppose, but the truth is that I mean none of these people any unkindness. I just mean that I wouldn't choose to spend my time with them were it not something involving some other activity. And that's OK. As I was walking home tonight I was really feeling it - feeling how nice it feels to choose to do what I want. I don't have to be like everyone else. I don't know why I have to repeat this over and over but it's true.

It's all getting interesting. I'm excited about life.

OK. Tonight I really am going to read some econometrics. I've set a goal for myself research-wise and I need to work extra hard over the winter in order to achieve these goals. So one research paper a night. When you bite off small pieces like that it becomes completely manageable.

PS I've decided that cheese fondue should be its own food group!

PPS I got the most beautiful yarn in the mail today. I'm going to have such lovely sweaters and hats once I'm done this winter. I don't know why I didn't think of it before - so much nicer than buying. :)

8:09 p.m. - 2009-12-08

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