enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Even Mr. Gov. G3n was there.

Divine, divine evening. But first, the business.

I didn't sleep well last night. I was worried about C. I still am, to some degree, but I can only do so much. I've been on his case for weeks now. I call him all the time and see him at least once a day.

He talked to his parents and I think he lied to them, but he did tell them - and he hasn't told me this - that he's going to see the psychologist I suggested for him. I hope he follows through. I think he might, particularly if I don't pressure him. He is so stubborn that he needs to feel that he is solving all of his own problems, on his own.

I talked with his mom this morning, and she wants me to not say anything further.

Today I went to the dentist, but I'll tell you about that another time.

So tonight I was EXHAUSTED, but I'm very glad that I decided to go to the flim festival on my own. The film showing was a Portuguese one, and I absolutely LOVED IT. It had something of the cinematography of In the M00d for Love, but it was more subtle. And the lead actress and composer were in the audience and gave wonderful speeches.

In fact, I had that funny moment sitting in the front row and listening to the actress and composer saying things that C. would have rolled his eyes at - about the music needing to be suspended above a film, for example, and about truth having many perspectives - in which I felt as I did when I was a little girl and perceived there to be fairies in the walls or even miniature people that only *I* could see and understand.

I mean, obviously not exactly true. But true enough for me.

Anyway, the movie was entitled The Murmuring Coast. It was beautifully shot. The write-up for it had been terrible. Supposedly it was about a couple in love whose relationship is tested by war in Mozambique (or rather a fictional African country, but really Mozambique). (They're a Portuguese couple. He's a soldier fighting to maintain the colony. She, as did the other wives in the late 60s, joined him overseas.) But really the movie was about the inner life of a woman. I'd even go so far as to say that it was about the poetry of a woman's perspective. And I'm no feminist theorist, but in a big way the movie was about the failure of colonization, and you could even take it so far as to suggest that it's about how generally futile is a man's effort to colonize a woman. (The film was of course made by a woman - no man could achieve that.)

But anyhow. As I said, no feminist theorist here. You'd laugh if you knew what I was writing about today. Something about optimal fax reform in the US.

But...

And it's funny, but as I type these days - and I always type very, very fast - I tap the keys and lift and arc my left hand as I would were I playing the piano.

XO

10:55 p.m. - 2009-11-30

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