enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Weirdness.

Hey dudes,

Quick morning entry.

GAHHHHH...bad sinus headache, possibly migraine developed yesterday afternoon. By evening it was quite unbearable. I feel better today, only the headache is still there.

So...I really WISH you were here so that I could get an objective opinion on my hair. It's driving me nuts, only I don't know if that's simply because I'm nuts and crazy and a perfectionist and see things that other people don't see, or if indeed I need to cut of the front bits.

Anyhow...that's my craziness for the morning.

The other funny thing on my mind is that yesterday I had this exchange with my mother in which I said that I want to change jobs. I got this back:

I do understand the job/career view. I am just saying that your life path will change when the time is right, that you will know when it comes and be ready for it. It is kind of like trying too hard to get pregnant and nothing happens and when you give up and don't try any more, many times it just happens. I think you are putting too much energy into the struggle and the bad feelings about the job instead of easing up a bit, doing it for now and enriching your life in as many other ways as possible. Whether it be a job change, a relationship or some other life changing event, it will happen. And, I suspect, in the not so far away future.

So...I wonder. Is this enlightened on her part? It's very different than things she has said before. Usually it has been "like it or lump it. You need the job and the security." I'm not sure if she's surprisingly developed some sense of methodology/strategy/subtlety, or if she is actually the new guru. What do you think? Discuss amongst yourselves.

:)

OH goodness. I really don't want to go to work today. My boss is in Paris and I have research work to do all week. I also am meant to prepare a presentation on a big research paper and I don't feel like it. So much of my work life feels like jumping through hoops to get this damn promotion that I more than deserve after the ridiculous amount of work that I have done this year.

Stop complaining, EB. You have a job. Lucky you.

I'm very very happy to be up and ready to go to work early. I want to get out of there earlier and earlier. It takes enormous will for me to leave early, but I can do it! Yes I can!

Oh - I want to discuss one other thing. Do you remember the woman who has the apartment in Florence? I hadn't heard from her in several months, which was a bit weird in itself, as she said she was going to invite me to events. And then I saw her in the concourse on Friday and she seemed to look away from me. I made a point of saying hello, although I made it clear that I wasn't forcing her to chat. I think she's embarrassed that she hasn't invited me to things. My God, I don't care. I know I haven't done anything to her, and our last exchange in August was very pleasant, so her reasoning must be something to the effect that her male friends she was trying to introduce me to found girlfriends and so she didn't feel she could invite me (she told me in our last email exchange, indirectly, that her friends had recently met "wonderful women"). But then to avoid someone is so stupid when you are 45. I already knew that she has a reputation for being moody, for which I defended her to someone else, but how stupid is this?? Do you see what I'm up against in making friends in this town full of closed-up wankers?

Ah well...she wasn't very interesting anyhow. Doesn't know a thing about art.

Where are the Sabrinas of Ottawa??

Sigh. I hate this town. I'm trying not to, but it's not easy.

OK. That's a negative note to end this with. I don't hate this town. I have yet to discover what is great in this town, and the interesting people in it, but I will!

8:30 a.m. - 2009-11-16

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