enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Yes

Ah I'm hung over!

I guess that Charl3s and Cam!lla will be missing out on my appearance today. :)

Actually, I wouldn't mind making it down to the War Memorial. It's always a lovely ceremony and I'm unspeakably moved by the teetering, tottering veterans making their slow march. Even my grandfather, who lied about his age to join the RCAF at 17, is now 88.

So that's something.

The weather is lovely - blue skies and clear. In recent memories it has been miserable and drizzly and cold on November 11. Another reason to go. There's will be a fly over and lots of bagpipes, which I love.

So I'm hung over because I dug into my fondue at 10 after I returned from art class and wrote my entry, and then I poured a glass of wine. I guess a glass of wine late at night is not a good idea. Also, my apartment is quite hot and dry. Central heating, you know. I always have to adjust during the winter. Our buildings are so warm.

Quoi d'autres?

Well, one of my colleagues mentioned yesterday that today is a great day for government workers with kids. Apparently the government gets a holiday but the schools do not (surprising!) and so the kids are gone. I started thinking as I lay in bed about how many people probably have sex today that they haven't had in a while. And I started counting the number of July babies. :)

I'm stupid like that.

Actually, lying in bed I was thinking two things. The first is that I understand the one deficiency of my apartment. Were I ever wanting to sleep in past 7 a.m. or so on a Wednesday, I'd be out of luck. The garbage trucks come to pick up and dump the large containers at the back of the building on that day. They do that on the side street to which my bedroom windows face.

The second thing that I was thinking was something different. I was thinking of Andrea. Sigh. I really do wonder why I never meet anyone like that here. I tried this week to be friendly, but no one here seems to give me the time of day. Well, except the women. A. and I had a nice chat yesterday. I really do like here.

I suppose I could go online to look for dates, but I find that to be so degrading. It was such a terrible experience when I did it before, and frankly I don't have the patience to deal with all of the stupid and/or crude men who will contact me. I know, that's rather too delicate of me.

Also, and here's the thing, I'm of the opinion - which is why I'm so sad about Andrea - is that meeting someone cool has to happen by chance. It's just an alignment of things, or something. I know that that's a self-defeating attitude, but I think that way. Things have to line up. They line up and then all of a sudden you are surprised.

So I will go about my business.

I rather liked the comment last night from a random reader (dholler, thanks!) that maybe I ought to go out and make something happen.

I'm not sure what that will be. For certain, I'm going to go to the film festival next week and associated receptions. I will talk to people for there. The other thing, when I think about it, that I ought to do, is start going to any and all art events.

Neither of those are with the intention of meeting men. I just think that when you do things you open up a range of possibilities. I'm still stuck at wanting to figure out the rest of my life. I'd love to change careers, but I don't know exactly to what. Also, the problem when you're starting out having done a lot and having had student debt, etc...is that it's difficult to start over. It's not like starting with nothing and having the government finance you and making a life. It's giving up a whole life and starting over. And it's expensive. Gotta think about that. Perhaps it's why I kept myself at nothing for so long - to make extreme change easier to facilitate.

Love you guys! Have a wonderful day. I'm going to spend mine thinking about being a change agent.

Oh and I want to do more volunteer work. I am going to look into that today. I'm thinking something simple like visits to seniors. The food bank is great, but it's only once a month or so. I need something more regular that keeps me grounded. Selfish of me, to do volunteer work for myself. It's always a walk on that razor's edge, isn't it?

XO

9:21 a.m. - 2009-11-11

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