enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Talking myself into a good day. Infinite riches flow freely into my life.

Woke up feeling a wee bit down this morning, or at least flat.

I think I'm a little bit tired. I could hear something going on in the hallway at about 9 last night, I think, and it's that they were painting the fire escape door. I looked out the peep hole quite late to see that the door was propped open for the night. You know how paranoid I am about break-ins. A highly unlikely occurrence here, and my door was obviously locked, but I had a wee bit of trouble falling asleep.

Otherwise, I think I'm just doing my usual losing-of-patience. I'm lonely. I'm impatient for something to change, to get more exciting.

To be honest, I'm also a bit anxious about my next promotion, but I really need to forget about it. I'll be getting that promotion at the latest in April, which is great as it will make a big difference for me money-wise.

But what is making me kind of upset - at least on a semi-conscious level - is that my boss seems to have forgotten that he said in my review in April that I was on track to get it early (in November, i.e. now). But he leaves next week for a conference, the big boss is away on an extended holiday, and I think they've forgotten this "promise." I know I shouldn't complain, but as I've mentioned before I'm still playing catch-up to my old level. I had to take a technical demotion in order to take this job, so a $14,000 drop in salary, because I knew in the long run that this was a much better job/department. It IS a great department/job, but I am eager, obviously, to get back to the level that reflects my work experience and contribution. It's a little bit frustrating.

But, really, what can I do about it? Nothing. I must wait. And April isn't so far off. Also, in a couple of years, all of this will be a memory as I'll be in Europe!

So there you go. Morning pages again. I guess this is the lot of what is bothering me. Oh, my hair is bothering me, too. I know I look cute but because it is irregular I feel insecure. Such a dumb thing! People here don't talk to me or seem to have any interest in me and so all of a sudden I am paranoid about my looks again.

Gosh, I'm very honest, aren't I?

Yes. No more paranoia. Let's focus on art this week, shall we? I can make my own fun. Art class tomorrow. OH and we have a holiday, of course, on Wednesday! And then next week the European Uni0n film festival that I always attend will begin again. Last year Roland was tottering towards me, drunk, with an extra glass of wine. It was quite amusing. This year will be amusing, too. I will try to see if C. can leave me alone to go on my own some nights. That might give me a chance to meet some interesting people. It's usually mostly older people and couples, but I will say that the people on average look very, very interesting.

OK. I feel better for having written. I've had an apple for health. I'm meeting C. for an egg sandwich at work in the morning. That bastardo is too lazy to come to my new place now that I'm a mile away. :) This evening, I'm going to make a cheese fondue. If you have to be alone...you might as well be fat and happy doing it. :)

Have a wonderful day! XO

8:29 a.m. - 2009-11-09

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