enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Not the easiest sleep

I still want lilac, but waking up today I almost wonder if pale robin's egg blue is better. Or even pink/pale salmon!

I'm crazy.

It will likely end up violet.

As far as I'm concerned, you know, the week is over. I do. not. want. to. go. to. French. class.

Really, I want to curl up in my pyjamas with a book.

It has been a good week, only too much. Also, I am worried about C. I have never seen him this upset.

I have been where he is, so I can't be unsympathetic, but it seems so silly over a flirtatious girl he hardly knows. Of course it's not really about the girl...but C. is stubborn and even though I have encouraged him to see the psychologist or at least a counsellor through work he hasn't called. He never follows through on anything. I am trying not to nag. We all know how successful nagging can be.

Gosh it's terrible to see from the outside. You think, "You're healthy, handsome, successful. Your parents have always loved you and are there for you. You love your brother. You have aunties and cousins here in North America who adore you. You've got everything. Why are you depressed?"

I understand why he's depressed though. Ever since I first met him I've chided him about the fact that he rarely motivates himself to do anything. He doesn't have any passion. Any trip we've taken has been my idea. He's had fun, but he never would have done it if I hadn't sat on him to buy a ticket. He's going home for Christmas this year, but only because I had the idea and I told him to buy a ticket. I think it will be good for him to see his old friends, brother and parents. And maybe work out if he's worried about them or feeling some guilt over being here. And that's also why I want him to see the psychologist.

I'm brutally demanding, am I not? I just can't stand to see someone waiting around and sinking deeper into misery.

I'm becoming my mother!

Eek!

I am worried about C. though. I want him to see the bounty of his life. For it is a rich one. There's a part of me that thinks I ought to leave him alone, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to let this go by. It's an opportunity for him to see a professional and work on some underlying issues. I know. I've been there. Have I ever.

Seems silly to talk about myself in light of this. Nothing to tell. Just ready for the weekend. Oh, so ready. Will ask the landlord about painting this weekend. I might get a start on it on Sunday, only I think I ought to hire someone to do it. Will take some time - big rooms and high ceilings.

XO

7:00 a.m. - 2009-11-06

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