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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Morning update. Spirits buoyed.

Hi friends. A quick morning note!!

Don't get the wrong impression from my posts. I'm not unhappy at all. In fact, I'm having a marvelous time. I think I LIKE the pleasure - pain thing. I LIKE to FEEL things. I don't mind that the thing with Marco will hurt. I know we have an understanding and that there will be a great deal of tenderness in the meeting, either way. He sent me a quick note today; he's to call me when he gets in tomorrow.

So last night I had a wonderful night!

This is going to sound very terrible and self-aggrandizing, but the French woman I have met has been so good for my spirits. She is so beautiful - in that French, pulled together way - and so elegant. And she's kind! And she offered randomly that when she saw me the first time she was really struck, thought that I am a beautiful woman.

I really don't believe how anyone could think that, but it gave my spirits such a lift. I hope it's that people can see on the outside some of the joy I feel on the inside. Maybe that is it.

Also, the funniest thing happened, in that over dinner last night she told me a story about a man she was crazy for and how she dealt with it. She actually said that when he acted up (in much the same way as Marco has, and for much the same reasons, I think...and, by the way, he's 50 and Italian (though lives in Paris)) she wrote back to him, "You have no power over me, except to bore me with your messages."

It was classic! MFV should like that.

It's funny. I don't believe in angels or anything, but when I was in Firenze and lonely on New Year's Eve last year I met Francis, the French Canadian, with whom I had a wonderful conversation. Now it is Sabrina, who is so classy and friendly and charming (and who even said that my French is good - shocking, as I also really don't think so).

Anyhow. Sabrina has Italian parents who moved to France after the war. She comes across as very, very French though. I would not have guessed Italian. But, of course, she has the wonderful cheekbones and hair, lips, etc. She is very lovely.

But, anyhow...it's funny how things weave and turn. You meet people and they help you to feel more confident in yourself. I lose my confidence so easily.

To be honest, I don't even know how much money is on my phone. I haven't used it since I've been here. So there is a chance that I will miss Marco's call. I don't know why - it's not like me to be rude - but I have a desire not to fill the phone today. Whatever will be, will be, so to speak.

I'm rambling and probably not making much sense.

I've had a wonderful time here. Don't get the wrong impression. It fills my eyes with wonder. The cold, too, although annoying, is only a moderate cold. I haven't been coughing much or blowing my nose much at night - usually I wake up just once to do both - so that is a comfort. I'm going to sit in the sun today and do some more drawing. Sabrina asked me to take a bus with her to Vinci (Leonardo's town of birth) tomorrow. It may be too difficult to maneouver, but we will see. I will see Classical concert tonight, also. I think I mentioned that.

Well, off into the sunshine. Thanks for your support, lovely friends. Friends make all the difference. I realized, as Anna said, that I want to visit people and have fun with people in future. I love to be in places but it makes such a difference to have a companion or two. That's the pleasure of life that perfectly sets off the visual pleasures.

OK. Bye! XO

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10:21 a.m. - 2009-10-27

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