enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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The move.

So after 12 hours between yesterday and today - listening to the radio, not too rushed - I'm pretty much packed for the move. This gives me a sense of relief in anticipation of my trip.

So that's good.

I was thinking a bit about the hair thing though. I wonder sometimes if I do things to punish myself when things are going well. I mean, surely there must be some deep-seated motive for cutting off my hair. Perhaps I did it so that I would not contact Marco when I'm in Italy. Perhaps I wanted to de-feminize myself.

This is all, of course, incredibly stupid. I look quite nice with short hair. It shows off my eyes. It really makes no appreciable difference to my attractiveness.

There's another interpretation, of course. That's that I wanted to push myself and to test my confidence. I find that to be an interesting interpretation. At least one girl I know of tomorrow is going to exclaim (and not with a positive intention), "You cut your hair off!"
And of course men rarely like short hair.

I rather like the interpretation of testing my confidence. Because that's what I've been building lately. It's there, only it still has its wobbly bits.

But it's there. And that's what counts. And as for the hair...I rather like it, for the most part. And it will grow, anyhow. I think I"ll go to a new hairdresser next time though, to make sure I get a more even cut.

I'm rambling, I realize. :)

This evening, after packing, C. and I ran up to the lake. There we could hear and see hundreds of Canada geese on the migration path. Some had settled into the lake for the night. We listened to the conversations of the birds and watched huge groups fly overhead in noisy v-formations across a bright orange sunset. Lovely!

One thing that I found interesting today is how when you move you realize what things you have that are important to you. There are things that you can't bear to see packed until the last minute. I love that. I have a small, open box on my desk for these last few things.

OK. I'm off. I can tell that winter is coming as I've cooled from the run and all I'm craving is a hot, hot shower. XO

7:50 p.m. - 2009-10-18

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