enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A few petty grievances

Well another one bites the dust!

That woman who was talking about women at work sent me a photo today of a woman at work (from Fac3book), saying that her boyfriend thinks she's hot.

I had to shut this down. I HATE that stuff. So I wrote back to her and said that I don't want to talk about other women at work. Ever again!

So there goes THAT friend!

Really, it's a lonely world.

But whatever. There ARE nice people out there. I just have yet to find them in Ottawa.

I finished knitting the sweater! By this I mean the body and the sleeves. I'm now knitting the neck tie, and then I have to do the button band and buttonhole band and the sewing. It's going to take a couple of days to finish it really well. It's nice though to be almost done.

I had a very pleasant day. Apart from knitting, I listened to a conversation with Rich@rd Dawk!ns about his new book. I'm fascinated by evolution, so I enjoyed that. After that it was a conversation with G3off Dire (sp?). I'd honestly never heard of him before, but I was rather impressed. I continue to feel rather fond of all things English.

I had my dose of English accents for the day!

I've been thinking lately about how few regrets I have. I'm pretty good at forgetting about things that I have or haven't done, recognizing that I did what I could with the skills and resources that I had at the time. At the same time, I'll admit that I have one regret. My one regret is that I didn't have my act together sufficiently to apply to a school overseas. I will always wonder what it might have been like to complete a degree at Oxford, for example. I think that that is my one regret (not doing that, that is).

But whatever. You can't have everything.

I'm thinking more and more that I can see myself changing careers. I mean, I've been dreaming about it for a while, but more and more it seems to be a part of my visualization of the future. The desire is building. More importantly, the confidence is building. I think I'm going to be able to say at one point that this period in my life served a very important purpose: to not only shore up funds, pay off student loans, but to build my confidence through persisting in a challenging environment. Stability, I think, has been the missing ingredient in my development, prior to the last couple of years. You can't eliminate anxiety, I believe, without experiencing a stable base. So I'm in my building, fortifying period. I'm learning trust, most particularly in myself and my own work ethic and endurance. This will enable exciting change in the future.

I know I always write about the same things. I apologize for this. They are the things that preoccupy me.

Last night the movie we watched was a movie about a summer house being sold by a family in France, following the death of the matriarch. The movie was essentially about change and how individuals and families deal with change. The family owned many valuable items that ended up in the Mus33 D'Orsay. Long story. I loved watching the film, mostly because I NEED to have beautiful things around me. I love the attention to detail of the French and the Italians. Nothing is ugly. From the collars of their shirts to the cuts of their overcoats to their tea trays...it's a cultural thing to make things lovely. Oh how that is missing in this culture. We seem to parade ugly about as a badge of sincerity or seriousness. Bah to that!

Work this week and next is going to be horrible. It's only a short-term problem, but it's arisen because someone I've been working with on a major presentation is away on vacation for 2.5 weeks. This is horrible, I realized on Friday, because now I'm going to have to deal with all of the changes to the presentation that management will make. Typically I'm doing the quantitative analysis and I don't have to mess with boring, stupid things like Pow3rPoint slides. I really have very little patience with such things. It seems such a waste of brain power to be making and remaking slides, as upper management changes its mind about what should be presented. It's really my least favourite thing. It ranks even higher on the list of annoyances than do meetings.

I can never understand how it is that people like meetings. I can tolerate them if they are short and to the point. Most of the time though they are long and too many people get to talk at too-great length. It's utter torture for me to be in meetings.

I really have some big problems, no? Intolerance. Just let me sit in a corner and think through problems, will you?

:)

XO

6:21 p.m. - 2009-10-04

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