enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be...

and whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

Hey dolls,

You just never know what is going to happen with me.

I got to work this morning. Everything was fine. At about 10:45 I went downstairs to get an egg on a bagel - with ham and cheese, yum - and there was a guy in line whom I know slightly. He started talking about some book he is reading about art in Florence or something, and he started spouting off some stuff about Michelangelo. I mentioned something about Michelangelo being interesting, and it being even more interesting that many of his works are unfinished.

So anyhow the guy was being all argumentative and everything - as economists are - and started listing all of the things that Michelangelo finished.

So I dropped the subject and went back upstairs to think about Michelangelo and the beauty of even his unfinished works, his distortions of reality in the interest of beauty, and of the fact that he was an ugly guy who didn't always get his due. (Although eventually he was basically a god of Florence.)

And then it occurred to me on the spot: I need to reboot the system.

I need to go to Italy.

I took a quick look on the net to see prices, and immediately I found the cheapest price for a ticket I've ever had. I'm reaching new lows. Just over $800, all in, and that's in Canadian dollars.

I calculated the dates so that I wouldn't overlap in vacation with another guy I'm doing work with, asked my boss, and this evening I bought a ticket to leave for Florence on October 22 (returning October 29).

I know that I'm moving on November 1. :)

But this will offer me a good incentive to pack beforehand. Also, hopefully I'll be hiring movers. If not, my move is not a big one. (And in a worst-case scenario I'm sure the people would not care if I moved a few days late (unless new buyers are in here by then, in which case I can't say). I've told C. that he can move me!!! :))

So...I know it sounds mad. I booked the usual hostel. I *might* ask the woman about the apartment, but I'm not sure. We're not talking about that much money and in fact I like the company at the hostel. The people are great. I am going to book a ticket to La Boheme as well, groove my way through my old haunts.

I don't know why I had to do this, but I did. I need to reclaim Italy again; the Italy before Marco, I mean. You understand! Perhaps you remember, some of you, how happy I was when I went there in the spring of '08.

I also realized that lately I've been focusing on money simply because I always need to fixate on something. The fact is that I do all of the right things financially, have all of my business in order, am generous with my money to others, and am guaranteed two very large salary increments in the next two years (unless I really fuck up). So why am I causing myself so much grief over a few hundred dollars?

I've learned so much over the last few years that you'd think I'd wisen up. But it's difficult to change one's habits of thinking.

I'm really happy with this decision. The only thing is that I hope Anna will forgive me for not choosing to come to England right now. It's a bit more expensive for me to do that and more importantly I have a vision of England and then Paris in springtime. Doesn't that sound wonderful??

I just feel soooo much right now. Work is a bit blah. There are a lot of changes going on. I feel already as though this place isn't mine and I'm ready to move on to the next one.

One other interesting thing is that walking home there was a "take back the night" parade and I stopped at the side of the road and cried. Even *I* have experienced sexual discrimination and have been attacked in my own apartment, but even given those things I recognize that I am so much more fortunate than the vast majority of women. I have never had to experience the degradation, terror and poverty experienced by so many.

I need to challenge myself to do more and to be more.

So anyhow. Those were the hills and valleys of my day.

XO

8:08 p.m. - 2009-09-24

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell