enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Pissed off at myself, as usual!

You know, each time I take off my earrings I seem to break off a piece of hair. It's amazing that I have any hair left around my ears. Pretty soon I'm going to look like a koala bear, with little tufts around my ears.

So I'm wearing sexy hosiery today. Not with intent. I still haven't bought my winter hosiery, so I put on a pair of lace stay-ups under my skirt. I've discovered that these are good in one sense, as I don't put my fingers through them and get angry that I just wasted another 5-10 bucks on a stupid pair of panty hose that I got to wear once.

On the other hand, it's rather chilly up there. And also, I keep on expecting a Marilyn Monro3 to happen and for someone therefore to notice that I have on things with lace tops and then everyone will get the wrong idea about me. You know, contrary to the one that I've assiduously developed - that I'm too serious for words.

So...I think I fucked something up at work. It doesn't really matter. No one needs to know. But I know. I've been working on a huge project and a huge model and I think I've been implementing the same stupid thing for months now. I think the function that I've chosen is wrong, and I think my results will change markedly once I figure out what the function should be.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I stayed at work tonight trying not to get more pissed off at myself than I was. I reverted to calling myself a "mowon" instead of a "moron," however, as somehow that seems gentler. Affirmations, ladies, affirmations. ;-)

Aren't I good at digging myself out of self-flagellation, one spoonful at a time??

So...the good news: I've decided that I have no idea why I didn't decide to move before!!!! Walking home it seems so busy and not nice to be living adjacent to downtown. I'm going to a REAL neighbourhood! And I'm going to have a really nice pad with two bedrooms!!

I feel so excited.

Makes me wonder about all of the other things that I've dismissed as a bad idea and that would actually make my life much better. I think I have trouble with the art of seeing.

So we must teach Fifi how to knit! She very adventurously took up art last year and so I know she's up to it!

I'm going to see if I can find what I've decided to knit. For one, I'm going to make this sweater:

Emily

My internet connection is slow...I'll be back..

And this scarf and hat: Aura scarf- scarf version in the "Bea" picture; "Kat" hat, in lilac.

I know, I'm boring. No need to comment. :)

XO

7:59 p.m. - 2009-09-23

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fifidellabon
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