enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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The hair gets cut off as soon as I find my new place. :)

Oh lordy. Well this apartment hunting thing is quickly turning into a nightmare. But isn't it always like that?

I didn't sleep well last night though and so I'm tired and grumpy and so am not taking the trials of apartment searches very seriously. In fact, I have surprised myself by thinking of it as an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised in a new place.

I'll end up paying more money for my new place though, for sure.

I'm of two minds about this. It's not good to compare with what one has. One has to pay what the market asks. And money is only paper (provided you have enough). It's not really worth the exercise to think about how many plane tickets to Italy I could buy over the course of a year or two or how many more World V!sion children I could sponsor with the money (although one eye has been on this). It all is what it is.

Whatever. I have an appointment to see two places (with one property manager) on Tuesday night. They're both well-located and so probably wouldn't be too bad. I emailed another place that interests me quite a bit, although it is quite a bit more expensive. On the other hand, more expensive gets me space that is configured a bit better, a better kitchen, and probably a situation in which I could more readily have people over.

I do love my wacky place though. And there's more than enough room in it.

It's all about location, location, location though, when you get down to it. I'm going to have to pay to be near to *here*. End of story.

And of course my salary is only going to go up and so the rent will seem less onerous. Money is such a pain in the ass!

So...I need to stay calm. Stay calm, EB!

It's funny that C. is able to hold me down on these things. He always takes the long view. With me, it's the short-term, irrational part of the brain that takes over. I've been eating a lot of chocolate in the last hour. That tells you what part of the brain is in charge.

Anyhow...I shall survive. I was in yoga class this morning and I thought to myself that that's all it is. You decide to flip the switch and not worry, even though there'd be reason if you thought hard enough to worry.

Life really is that simple.

When you're fortunate, that is.

And thank God I'm not a low-income family with kids trying to find a place for hundreds less than I am willing to pay for just myself. I say a little prayer for these people as I think about this.

I guess the other thing that I think about with respect to the money though is exactly what C. told me about my Italy trips. What he said is that if spending the money is what I need to do to feel safe and comfortable so that I CAN do my best work and enjoy my job and do justice to my career, then it's simply a cost of doing business. It's not an extravagance. It's about keeping oneself able to function at a high level. Environment is something that is very, very important to me. I have a lot of responsibility and in order to be spot-on (mistakes not allowed in my job) I need to take good care of myself.

Well, there you go. :)

I hope I can find a nice space in which I can paint and draw. That would be super-cool.

Even though I had a shower I feel sticky and gross. There's something about not sleeping well and not eating well that sends the whole body to hell in a handcart, no?? C. and I ran this morning AND I did yoga and so those, at least, were good choices.

I'm DEFFO rambling here. C. twisted my arm into going to a concert later tonight. Tomorrow I think I'll go to a farmer's market. Chill stuff, you know.

OK. I don't have anything more interesting to say. I will let you know if something exciting happens! I think I should lie down and take a nap, don't you? ;)

3:31 p.m. - 2009-09-19

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