enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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The shoes are on, the hair back, the G!ro D'It@lia shirt zipped.

More on this later. Just a quickie now. I'm thinking of canceling the FA interview.

I do like my job right now, and more importantly I don't want to run away as I have so many times before, from making a more stable life for myself.

I'm worrying now that I acccepted the interview - which involves a significant waste of time in preparation and time from work, etc. - because other people encouraged me to do it. Also, there's the fear that I"m doing it to prove to my mother that I'm good, that I'm worthwhile, worth being loved. She always wanted me to do this.

I've always had to be the best in everything.

It's not good.

I also don't want to jeopardize my current job if they find out.

I'm going to go cycling right now and think about it.

I"m also not thinking that well today because I'm tired, having had trouble falling asleep because of the apartment thing.

OK. XOS!

Bon bon bon. Otherwise, I feel good.

6:59 p.m. - 2009-08-12

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