enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Yoga is the colour of my peace.

I don't have cool pictures like Anna's, but I did just notice a great picture from my Italy trip last year. Which one, you say? Does it matter?

;)

I call it "eye spy."

I woke up hung over today. That will teach me. I've thereby snapped out of my bad mood.

I also went to yoga. Yoga was great. Afterwards I went out with my friend Annie and a friend of hers.

I hadn't realized that this friend of hers was a much older woman, although I had been aware that Annie had met this woman at a law school reunion. (I'm guessing that their classes were about 30 years apart.)

So I really enjoyed talking with this woman. She's had a very high-powered and interesting life, all over the world. She is also now a writer.

But I have to say something that I think is interesting: I don't want to end up like her.

Her life sounded great, but there was something brittle about her. I would even say defensive, under the surface.

Furthermore, she looked a bit like wax. Like she would melt or crack if you got too close. Like she had grown used to a life of not being touched.

It's interesting.

I might just have to adopt a kid in my forties so that I don't end up in a life exactly like that.

I mean, I don't want to offer up too many kudos to all of those people who just married SOMEONE and popped out kids in their twenties. Sometimes that is well thought out, and sometimes it is not. I'm not going to beat myself up for trying to pursue my own dreams and learn about myself before marrying someone.

Also, we NEED women in this world who take a different path, because they want to take some of the power in the external world that is usually seized by men. The world will never be a better place if we don't have technically-sophisticated, educated women who take positions of power. And real power is almost impossible to get and to hold whilst raising a family, unless you get very very lucky in the husband department. (All of the high-powered women in my department are childless, which is telling. And virtually all whom I know who have been married and have (typically) one child are not now. It's not pretty.)

But. And there's a big but. I don't know QUITE how you escape becoming brittle if you don't put someone else's needs above your own at some point. I'm not so sure. And let's face it, we all deserve empathy, in any event - we're just trying to make the best of what we've been given.

So let's do a little bit of hoping that I eventually find someone to love and care for, other than myself. I've had enough interesting things in my life.

OK, so maybe I haven't had QUITE enough interesting things in my life. I have, however, done a great deal already. I wouldn't be disappointed if it stopped now, at least to some degree.

Anyhow. That was a quick note and observation.

Of course, I got the sense that I'm quite different of constitution to this woman from first principles, anyhow. I'm going to think about the not becoming brittle thing though. I'm going to think hard.

And here I am just hanging at home. I'm off to a nap. I'm going to go to a film institute event tonight. Apparently anyone can become a member of this co-op and eventually make and screen films. Hmm...

Of course, I also read something about the Giro D0nne last night and now I want to become a professional cyclist on the Italian tour. I still think I'm a bit old for that though.

XO!

4:31 p.m. - 2009-08-08

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