enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Training required.

Oh those cookies were terrible!

You know, I always find it weird when people at the supermarket comment on how healthy the food I'm buying is (and it happens quite often).

I just realized though how ACTUALLY healthy I am. I don't have anything in the house that could possibly satisfy a sweet or fat craving (other than the leftover butter from the lemon square baking for that birthday party).

I'm not patting myself on the back. What I'm getting at is that it's neat the way that habits can form - both good and bad. It honestly never occurs to me to buy anything but natural, unpackaged foods.

So this gives me hope that I can eliminate my WORST habits. Such as ruminating. Such as being terribly self-critical.

Being self-critical is an incredible scourge. I've been corresponding daily with a friend, lately. And almost every time said friend says something about how, "Today it's this."

In the last note, I didn't even think I'd focused in on something to criticize, was feeling good, but...said friend said, "You're fixated on this."

Wow.

It's like that replacement worry thing I've written about before. When one worry recedes, it feels unnatural not to have one. So I find another one.

But what's really shocking to me about this is that I'm doing this even when I think I'm feeling happy and lighthearted. Like today, for example. I just wonder how much BETTER I would feel even if I could somehow eliminate this terrible habit.

So we all have our poor habits. All destructive. But it's good to know that eventually we can become different. Because certainly, when i was younger, I liked some junk food. These days, 99% of the time, I wouldn't even look at it.

8:27 a.m. - 2009-08-06

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