enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Making a wish list.

All of this freeing up is making me want to make up a giant wish list.

Well, I don't know if it's really a GIANT wish list, but here's what's coming out right now:

1) I want to go to Paris sometime soon, and draw in the manner of Vuillard. Meaning, I want to rent an apartment high up above a park, draw scenes like his park panels. Maybe I'll do two weeks over Christmas?

2) I want to go back to Italy and draw from life in that studio again, and stroll the rest of the time through the churches (and monasteries) with my favourite frescoes. Next summer?

3) Whilst in Italy, I want to do a cooking course in the country, make great ravioli. (I had the most exquisite vegetarian ravioli last night.)

And now we get to the important bits.

4) I'm either going to change careers or morph my career, within the next 3-5 years, even if that means returning to school. I'm also thinking seriously about applying to Voluntary Services Overs3as. I mean that, seriously. Unfortunately, I don't know what a role might be for an economist. I'm not sure if my research skills veer sufficiently from the statistical to the social, field research that I believe they are seeking. Their website says though that if your skills don't match a particular posting they will still look at your background to see if you fit anything. Apparently, also, there is high demand for people fluent in French! Whilst I think my French is still crap, I can definitely speak and understand French. And I'll only improve from here.

5) First, I should probably wait for the Foreign Affairs interview. That could be a more obvious, natural trajectory.

You know, that's kind of all that's on the wish list right now. I'd love to fall in love, of course, but I believe, as I always have, that that happens as you follow your dreams. And if I'm truthful, I'm pretty focused on falling in love with my own life at the moment. It's working.

It was great to go to that BBQ last week, you know, because when I think back to it now, I realize that although the people were nice, I wouldn't want any of their lives. (And definitely not their houses, etc.)

And I'm always right, you know. :)

Things always morph into something you don't expect. Like maybe I'll end up writing instead of drawing. Or maybe I'll go to film school. Not likely. But you never know.

The possibilities are so many. I feel very positive and hopeful right now. The path is slowly sorting itself out. I'm not going to be in my job in a few years' time, I think. I'll be doing something more interesting. But for now, I'll keep my head down, make money, and let my mind and heart work out the best options.

This socializing that I'm doing of late is doing great things for me, because it's exposing me to different paths that are helping me to sort out what I don't want. It's very cool. Everything happens for a reason. I almost believe that.

What other trivial things do I want to do??

Well, this afternoon, in half an hour, I'm heading to the hills on my bicycle. I'm going to ride up to the lake with C. This evening I'm going to cook, and then tomorrow I'm going to throw myself into my research full-bore. My boss is away on vacation for two weeks and I'm going to have a huge chunk of stuff done when he returns.

Trivial pleasure stuff:

1) Go to at least one art or poetry event each week.

2) Do some research into different academic programs that I could consider in future (journalism? history? international affairs, medical school?)

3) Read at least one book every week.

4) Try one new vegetarian recipe every week.

5) Get up an extra half an hour early each morning and meditate. I'm loving, loving, loving my yoga these days. It's perfect.

6) Write lists and reevaluate what I'm doing each week, make sure that I sell those clothes, sift through old papers, keep on the march to freedom!

I can't think of anything else. Continue eating whole, simple foods.

OK. I'll quit here. I should put on the biking gear. I'm off to the woods, dark and deep.

1:34 p.m. - 2009-08-03

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