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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I just can't believe how good I feel, after feeling like shit at the end of the week. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I think I'll write again.

I've written a bunch of crap today already, but why not?

Had a lovely ride in the woods. Just long enough; not too long. I think I'll go out Wednesday and ride all the way to the lookout, and take my time. The best part is that I don't care at all about people being faster than me. All ego is gone.

Which reminds me of running. I'm still committed to the marathon next spring, but unforch the right hip has been bothering me - only when running, not when walking or cycling. My doc last week sort of grimaced and suggested that my years of training have probably led to premature arthritis, but let's not go there, shall we? :)

Ah well. I'm game. I can hobble my way through anything. I'll have to start running again. I haven't been doing much of it lately, as I hate running in the humidity. I don't know. I think that running simply bores me these days.

Running the London Marathon, however, does not.

So I have my bedding in the wash and the sweet potatoes for the ravioli filling in the oven. The skylight is open and there's a nice breeze coming in. I feel very satisfied and incredibly calm, which since it's a work night and a "Sunday" can only imply that I'm calm because my boss is away on holiday. That's telling, isn't it?

Something has really clicked this weekend. I'm up and out of there. Knowing that that's the long-term plan, for REAL, should make it easier to work, don't you think? I'll go in and I'll be able to smile to myself and say, "I don't have to do this for the rest of my life!"

I think I simply need to be more creative. I always think that one's qualifications have to be exactly one thing to permit one to do something else. But that's likely not true. I can probably do many things that I can't yet imagine, even without returning to school.

Optimism. It's a beautiful thing. Might be time to pour myself a drink!

I drink to Sunday. Erm, Monday.

I haven't done much of a Canadian summer this year, which I regret. No camping. No canoeing. No cottaging. It seems a shame, given the wonderful environment all around us. Sometimes I hear the crickets or the buzz of some other insects at night and I physically ACHE for a dock in a quiet lake and my hand trailing in the water at dusk, the fireflies and the dragonflies landing on the water, the mist and the call of the loon over the lake at dawn.

It's difficult when one loves so much in life, is it not? I can't do everything. I'm following the "peak" interests, and those are taking me to Europe. These days it's Paris that keeps on building in my mind. And I've been trolling a site of a woman who leads tours in Giverny, and a cycling website for self-guided cycling in southern France. But who would like to cycle South America with me?

There's so fucking much that I want to do. I fear somehow that I'll miss out on some of it. That can't be permitted to happen!

Those sweet potatoes are wafting out such a rich signal from the oven.

Must make the pasta dough. Toodle-ooh!

And then back to the cardigan of doom, that is slowly taking shape. I'm on the second part of the front. Sleeves next.

And I'm going to buy a piano! I simply must play the piano again. Schubert, Bach. I miss you.

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7:34 p.m. - 2009-08-03

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