enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Learning the skills

Well, life is a slog.

I find myself in a constant duel with my nature, or more accurately with my habits.

I'm working to change my habits, and it's working, but it's a slow, slow process. I liken it to the progress of a glacier, forming a slow and winding highway of debris as it goes along.

Still, that highway does form.

This week was rather gruesome, work-wise. I found myself sliding into the dumps by yesterday.

And then last night, I'd just about had it with gloomy C., who made going to a movie a truly unpleasant experience.

But then I was sitting in the movie last night, in my nice, fluffy skirt and white shirt, feeling quite healthy and reasonably well-rested. I stopped to think. I stopped to step outside of myself and I told myself to reflect on the positive and to stay there with the movie.

It worked. I regained perspective.

And then this morning I went to yoga, which is always lovely. I was feeling tired and dehydrated, but the class was soothing and my body feels stretched and limber.

A friend from class and I went to brunch and had a long talk. This, too, made a big difference. She was fussing about a job that she was supposed to get that didn't work out. I listened to her taking on the situation, taking it personally, expressing her self-doubt. I realized that we all do this. From my vantage point there were many factors in the situation and there was no need for her to feel badly or to take the situation personally. Also, I was thinking, it's just a job. Who cares? She already has a great job.

So there you go. When you step outside of yourself and look at the same sort of things that you worry about but in someone else...you realize how trivial most of what we spend our time on in this life can be.

So the end result is that I feel incredibly centred today and OK. I've got today to do some things just for me - read, draw. I'll also cook tonight and perhaps go for a jog. Tomorrow I'm cycling and then out for a girls' vegetarian dinner. It's all good.

I have a feeling that this is going to be an exciting year. The exciting things have simply not yet happened. I'm still waiting to hear about the Foreign Affairs interview, for example.

But really, I feel good. I'm ready to enjoy the rest of the weekend. I'm grateful for this weekend. I'm taking responsibility for myself and my interpretation of things, and I applaud myself. No one else can change the way that you handle the problems that you confront but you. It's no one else's job.

I'm too hot though - the weather is HUMID!

5:00 p.m. - 2009-08-01

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