enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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And then she kicked her own ass again. And again.

Well, I'm sorry for my rant about hair colouring last night! If you colour, that's your choice!

To be frank, I was grumpy last night. But, at the same time, I work with men who are considered sexy in spite of their grey hair and pot bellies...because they're powerful. I think I'm talking the talk and not walking the walk if I don't assert that women deserve to occupy that same ground and do it myself.

I feel a little bit powerless at the moment, I guess, about a few small things.

For one thing, finding men my age to date is really impossible!

For example, C. and I went to a birthday party on Saturday. There were at least half a dozen eligible, single women there. On the other hand, all of the men were married.

After the party one of the people there called C. and said that she had about five women she could set him up with!

It's crazy.

But whatever. No point in dwelling on that. I just sometimes get antsy to occasionally go on a date.

And of course there are no single men at work. And I mean that for real - no single men. Not even "no single men who interest me." I mean: No single men.

Well, whatever.

Let's forget about men and sex. I might as well do so.

So last night I did have a nice time, anyhow. I watched a movie and then read and flipped through my book of Seurat drawings. If ever you want to be inspired by the magic of art, I believe that Seurat's drawings are a window in. I don't really like his paintings, to be honest, but his drawings are masterful.

I did some knitting, as well, and I had a fun time doing so. I will definitely get this little cardigan done before fall.

I think tonight, provided that it doesn't rain, AGAIN, I am going to hop on he super-Bluey bicycle and ride up into the forest.

Also, I got all whiney with C. last night, which I regret, but his point was that I should be drawing in the evening. My argument was that I'm already doing tons of things that interest me in the evenings, so that's just another lonely activity that isn't going to bring any more happy distraction.

But then I was looking at the Seurat drawings and I realized that indeed drawing is different - it activates the brain and the musculature in a completely different way than do the other activities that I do.

You know, there is a guy who stares at me when I go to get my coffee. He's often in the shop sitting with a friend, and he works in the building next to mine. The other day he was next to me in line for a coffee, and he actively looked nervous. Perhaps I should march up to him and tell him to ask me out.

Of course, at the same time, he looks like a techie who's never read a book of poetry. I can't stand techie stuff.

Do you see how I'm the maker of my own frustration??

Anyhow. I'm meandering. I had one of those interrupted nights of sleep, I think because I've been thinking too much. I couldn't fall asleep until 1, and then I woke up at 6. I've discovered though that if I can read a bit I inevitably become drowsy again. I didn't figure this out until 7. But as I've written before, how great that I have a job that will allow me to sleep in until 8:30 a.m.! It's 8:49 and I'm already showered and dressed. I have coffee brewing and I have poured a bowl of cereal. I'll be at work by 9:20.

And thank God, at least, that work is going smoothly at the moment. Apart from the usual chauvinist bullshit that catches me and makes me want to kill someone about once a week, I can't complain too much. Fingers crossed that I'll get my next promotion in NOvember, since then financial freedom will truly be mine.

OK! XOS I'm counting my blessings. And, really, I'm not anxious or unhappy. So that's all good.

Oh, and I don't think anymore that I have breast or lymph cancer, which I did last week, so that is helpful.

Ah the mind. Such a shitty gift that keeps on giving!

:)

8:40 a.m. - 2009-07-28

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