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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I wore ruffles AGAIN today.

Thanks, Fifi, for letting me know where to get the verbena soap!

Very excited!

I'm super, super well, even though I just got home from work.

I went to the doctor's today, mostly because I thought I should at least have him check out the fact that my left breast is sore. I'm getting older, and all.

He thinks that it's referred pain from my back and neck, but he's ordered a baseline mammogram, anyhow. I think it's a good idea to stay on top of one's health.

Well, clearly, I do.

He was very, very nice to me. We had a really good chat. I always appreciate that, as it reminds me of the lovely doctors I had when I was a child.

Plus I find my doctor to be super-smart and sensible. He's only middle-aged, as well, so that is helpful.

Anyhow. There is nothing wrong with me, we are both sure, but I was thinking today that even if something bad happened to me tomorrow (like an accident or something - which won't happen, knock on wood), I would have no regrets.

I've realized that I've always tried the things I've wanted to try. Some things are simply not feasible (like moving to Paris tomorrow). But everything that I could facilitate and really wanted to do, I've done. I've pushed down a great many barriers for myself.

So that was a surprise. To feel satisfied with my choices, that is.

I've tried to be at peace with the things that haven't worked out. This has sometimes taken time, but as far as I can tell I've done that. Certainly, I've never for a minute felt anything but pride and happiness for C. that he finished the Ph.D. that we started together and I did not. But at the same time, I DO appreciate how fortunate I am in many of my gifts - circumstance, physical capabilities, etc.

And by the way, fuck being perfect!

So there you go.

It's funny. In some ways I have a feeling of being "lucky" to have made it as far as even forty. Maybe this is because my dad died when he was forty-four. Every year is very precious.

So, that was another clap-myself-on-the-back-fest! I was going to say "clap-fest," but that could imply something else!


So I realized something sad: I have a conflict between the BBQ on Saturday night and my friend's birthday party on the same day. I thought her party was going to take place earlier in the day, but it starts only two hours before the BBQ. I think I'm going to have to pass up my opportunity to meet that dude again.

But oh well!

Of course I could also get bold and simply ask for his phone number.

I mean, what the heck?

I think I'm going to drink something tonight to celebrate. I've been uber-healthy all week and I have only been drinking a glass of wine once a week. I think I'm being too good, don't you think? All work and no play makes EB a very dull girl, don't you think? Though I do have a concert to go to tomorrow night. I'll be dancing!

PS My doctor had forgotten how old I am and thought I was 27! Either he's completely delusional or he's very clever at pretending that he didn't know otherwise! Ha ha! Makes a girl smile!

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8:43 p.m. - 2009-07-22

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