enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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C'est bon, ca.

Well I must say that I feel much more relaxed now that I've locked this diary.

I realized that many people need you to be something - even if that need is subconscious - so that they feel stronger or superior. And I don't mean that in a vicious way; it's just that people are OK with you growing...only not too much.

I came home from work today feeling a bit insecure about what I've achieved lately. But that's just me: I have very high standards. In fact, I judge myself against a very high metric...that isn't always achievable.

So I need to chill out and stay cool and keep working at all of it.

In the end I was too rushed tonight to meet C. for the concert up at Mooney's Bay. I probably should have gone. But my thinking always goes like this: The people who will be up there and who will be participating in the dragon boat festival will be nice enough but not the types to interest me. They'll be the sporty types who like loud group activities and who are there to drink beer and eat BBQ.

Well whatever. We are not all the same.

I spent the early evening looking at drawings. I enjoyed it. Now I'm having a small (half) glass of wine. I'm not allowing myself more. My stomach is aching a bit. I think it must be the pressure that is building re. my French test.

But no matter. I will run and eat and enjoy the weekend. I should have gone for a run earlier, but now it's too late with the wine.

I said something today which I know is true: No point in focusing on what you don't have...

9:02 p.m. - 2009-06-19

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