enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Somebody had already choked the s-chicken!

So the focus of this entry is going to be friends.

Someone very wise pointed out to me recently that it's important to re-evaluate your friends at times, or in other words the people surrounding you. Do not feel badly about separating yourself from people who do not feed positive thoughts or enrich your sense of wellbeing!

I'd already been on this page, so that was good.

I've realized that, more than anything, I need to work harder at building the fledgling friendships I've discovered.

It's not that I don't love C. I do love C. But having him around can definitely be a downer. And it certainly doesn't help me to meet men when we are out together and bickering like the Bunk3rs.

:)

Today I came home and saw my two newest friends:

I gave them three photos, since they're so darned cute.

If I weren't so FUCKING (excuse my language here) allergic to cats, I would get myself one. Or two.

I COULD have one, but it would mean being on my asthma steroids all of the time. Not good.

These two cats make me feel infinitely sad, at the same time. They're probably amusing each other, but I think they're alone for the summer. Someone moved into that apartment about a month ago - there is junk all over the place - but no one is living there. There are no curtains on the window and the stuff hasn't moved in weeks. I'm guessing that it is a student who is returning later in the summer. The cats haven't been complaining, so someone is feeding them, but I feel so sad when I see them sitting in the window batting at flies on the outside! I sit on my side of the divide (laneway) and have whole conversations with them. I'm guessing that the woman in the apartment below (who has never had curtains and who (another story) lounges around half-naked with her laptop and the window open (UGH) thinks I'm nuts.

Well, whatever.

So today was a lovely day, come to think of it.

I woke up grey, as t. noted. The weather was grey. I felt "flat." I felt flat as I went to bed last night, mostly because AGAIN, I did not have very enjoyable social contact this weekend. I ended yesterday feeling lonely. And I dreamt of Marco again, which was stupid.

I woke up with a thud.

But I felt quite keen on hitting my work hard today. And I did.

I had a lovely time with my French tutor. Let me just say right now...I HATE STUDYING FRENCH AT THIS POINT. I mean, learning a language is a bad thing for a perfectionist like me. I am never going to be perfect. I am going to flub up all of the time. I SHOULD feel happy for my progress this year...but I get anxious.

But...my French tutor is fantastic. I mean, someone very wise (someone different but equally wise to the first person) said something to me this last week about God maybe giving the universe a nudge sometimes.

God definitely gave the universe a nudge this time. :) I mean, how much more perfect could the timing have been for that!?

My tutor was my deceased French friend but he wasn't hitting on me! He was this elegant old gentleman who had studied Latin in Rome and had a doctorate in Religion. He had also studied in Paris. He had a joie de vivre! We were supposed to be talking about my work but he said, "Mlle., I sometimes meet people and I just know that they are kindred spirits. You are open. You are intellectually free. You are interested in so many things. You have such joy." We had such a lovely chat about philosophy!

Later on...

"Mlle.: You would be perfect for my son. He lives in Ste. Hyacinthe and is Professor of Biology. He was born in 1965."

Uh- huh!

Well, I didn't go for dating.

But I must say that I am so pleased that I have three more personal sessions with this lovely man before my oral exam next week. (He said some other really pertinent and lovely things, as well. "It's all about love, you know. All of religion. without love we are sad."

Unfortunately, I had a wee anxiety attack during part of the simulated test. And another one in the afternoon class. But let's not talk about that.

Both my teacher and my colleague in the office said that I am way ahead of the level that I need to obtain on this test, so let's hope for the best. If I get at least that level I will get the bilingual bonus. Fingers crossed all over the place!

But let's not talk about that.

And then, later in the afternoon, I ran into the women with the apartment in Florence and we had a lovely chat. She'd been thinking of me and was thinking we should do something this week. She had been thinking, "At least I'll see her next week at the garden party!"

Yes, she will.

The dude she is hoping to set me up with is going to be at the garden party, too. But I'm trying not to overthink that. It could be nice or I might not even like him. I'm going to do a Fifi and keep things LIGHT.

Today, also, I thought of what my goal for the next year is. I HAVE IT! I have my dream. I was walking to the supermarket to buy my chicken and I knew exactly what it was. I know what the dream is. Now I just have to execute.

I felt good at that moment as well because I had stayed at work until 7:30 p.m. and sent some deliverables to my co-author before I left.

Hmm...seems it was a rather good day.

Reminder to self: Always, having a moment or two with a kindred spirit will bring your sense of self and your passion back to you. Feed your soul with this as much as possible. Seek out these people. Do not stay at home alone! I repeat: DO NOT stay at home alone. (Unless absolutely necessary. :)) And DO not hang around with negative people (even if it is C.). For a while.

10:33 p.m. - 2009-06-15

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