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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Not being well-behaved AT ALL. But feeling so much better already.

I find I am completely exhausted.

Now I have figured out (with help) what to do about the career stuff (nothing, for now :)). I am going to be patient with myself. (You can ignore the meandering entry that I wrote earlier.)

Have a nice weekend, everyone. Be kind to yourselves. I will attempt to be kind to myself as well.

Sometimes I think that the problem is that I put up too much resistance to the "universe." This weekend I am going to ride the wave.

I heard a line in a song today that I loved. (Incidentally, it's in a Sarah Slean song and I am MISSING HER CONCERT TONIGHT AT THE BLACK SHEEP BECAUSE IT IS SOLD OUT! UGH!).

But tell me how you lose what you want to give away for free?

Something I didn't mention about the Marco thing is that the residual is actually quite beautiful. I can tell how much he cares for me. He actually wants the best for me, and he knows that what we were doing and could be doing would not be it. I think I know that too...but I tend to want to give without thinking...

That probably doesn't make sense. But I feel some peace over it.

Do you know that I still haven't grocery shopped? I'm a slob. I sort of gave up on groceries a couple of days ago. Last night I ate potatoes and the remainder of my pineapple for dinner. Classy, no?

Deffo need to get myself to the grocery store for some veggies... :)

PS I forgot to mention the funniest thing. This is how much of a disconnect there is between the way that I feel and the way that I must be behaving...In my performance review in April my boss, after discussing my work, wrote how much my friendly personality is appreciated around the office! I mean, I think I'm a hermit at the office! I am not social at all! And then yesterday, a senior director sent me a personal email (odd, since I don't work for him), telling me that he is leaving for another department and that he has appreciated my work, but also my friendly personality! So odd, no, how others see us vs. how we see ourselves? Maybe "friendly" is code for "a bit eccentric"? Makes me feel badly for the negative thoughts that I've had about many people there... EEK! Better do penance.

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8:17 p.m. - 2009-06-05

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