enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some random thoughts - feeling a little bit stressy tonight (journey pride ALREADY, as Fifi would say!)

I know that I've posted a zillion entries this weekend. You don't have to read!

I've had a weekend at home, as mostly usual. It has been good - no feeling guilty.

I must be excited; I basically packed my Italy bag today. All of the clothes that I'm going to take are folded and stacked on top of my living room chair. I even sorted through my cycling clothes. All that there is left to do more or less is wash some underwear (I've even packed the bras!), socks, and repair a couple of things (one hem, one cardigan).

Unfortunately, I'm not feeling THAT optimistic about the cardigan of doom accompanying me. That is a shame. It used to be so easy, too, in that one could knit on a plane. Now, of course... not at all.

I would rather be wearing it, anyhow.

Although this is all good stuff, I have also been feeling a bit unsettled today, and this again seems to reach back to the mortality thoughts/worries that I've been having lately. I still feel as though I have missed out on some things. I want to do them. I realize that we don't have perfect control. But what can you do? I do wish that I could have a relationship again sometime. It feels silly to be saying this right now, however, as my life is almost perfect. Really, I am quite happy with it. I'm truly grateful and motivated and excited.

I went for a run this evening. When feeling a bit on edge, that is usually my solution. I could not convince C. to go, so I went by myself. Generally a decent experience, although in spite of antihistamines I am sniffly with allergies. The lilac bushes are starting to bud; I'll most likely miss the blooms when I am in Italia. But oh well - I'll be in Italia!

One of the things I've always liked best about my birthday is that it takes place with the blooming of the lilacs. Lilacs always bring back so many fond memories of my early childhood.

Today I was dancing around like crazy to Glor!a Gaynor. There was a program on the evolution of music, within the Sunday morning program on CBC radio, and this week they were up to disco. I realized that I have quite fond memories of disco. I had the epiphany that that is because my first ten years were relatively happy (it was the next ten that were particularly terrible). I do have fond memories of dancing around to cheesy music as my mom and I wallpapered our various houses (even then she liked decorating). I remember that she was particularly fond of Dan H!ll. She would set a record player in the middle of the room as we cut long strips of the paper. "Sometimes when we touch..." Do you remember that song? The most cheese-o-riffic song ever!

On the program they were reflecting on the politics of things like the Village P3ople and what they were getting at in "YMCA," and how the YMCA people didn't get it. You just couldn't get away with stuff like that these days. And then of course there were women like Glor!a Gaynor. Songs like "Survive" were a kind of witness to the feminist movement.

Of course, I was more a child of the 80s, and that music is what I remember best. (And the hair! Oh the hair!). But having been conceived in 1969, the decade of the 70s still has this comfortable familiarity. My parents were kind of happy then, I think, for a while. They used to have parties and their friends would come in swish outfits and they'd all drink martinis and such. My dad had a massive record collection. I've always wondered if that precipitated my slightly younger brother's obsession with vinyl. He had a middle-of-the-night radio program at his university for several years.

He and I couldn't have been more different in that regard. I used to find a quiet place in the house, somewhere out of the way - a cubby, a landing downstairs - and would curl up with a book. I liked things to be quiet. I had a massive book of bible stories that my great-grandmother had given to me. I would read the story of the Good Samarit@n over and over again. And the story of King Solomon. And then came the fairy tales! And Dickens, and the Brontes.

Funny, the things you remember all of a sudden.

I've lost my train of thought!

I had a thought today that was sort of interesting. If you want to see the effects of public health care on decision-making, look no further than to the swine flu epidemic. There are about half as many confirmed cases in Canada as there are in the whole U.S., in spite of the fact that we have 10% of the population. There's simply no way that there is such a ratio of true cases of swine flu in Canada. Even though there is flow between Mexico and Canada, it's nothing like the interaction of Americans with Mexico.

So that's interesting. If you've got a mild flu here it's completely costless to report it to the doctor or to visit a hospital; you've paid your taxes already.

So that's interesting. I'm not beating up on the U.S. - don't get me wrong. I just thought it was interesting to observe this.

The other interesting thing to note is that we have equal capacity in terms of confirming the virus, in spite of our very small relative population. There are exactly two testing centres in North America confirming the virus, and one of them is in Winnipeg. This exists for a lot of reasons, but in part because we had the SARS thing in 2001.

So. There you go. Interesting factoids. Or not.

I feel a bit calmer now. I'm glad I came here and muddled through.

Oh! I had an interesting thought as I was running. I really DON'T enjoy running much anymore. I wondered if I ever really liked it, or if I liked it mostly because it gave me CONTROL over something. I'm glad that I don't need that level of control over my body anymore. I enjoy things like yoga and walking and dancing and riding my bike so much more now, and whenever I feel like it rather than obsessively. Big change. I'm not as fast and uber-fit as I once was, but I feel good.

Time to make some dinner.

9:34 p.m. - 2009-05-03

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell