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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Very rant-like tonight. On the warpath!

Maybe every night I need to do a rant entry and then a fluffy, positive one! I love the way that the words just pour out after work. It's quite cathartic.

Not much happened today. I was pretty pleased with my work effort (finally, my drive is back), but still I did not get that much done. I got stuck on something. But that is research. I had the good sense to just get up and leave at about 6:30 p.m. Hopefully my brain will figure it out overnight and the light will magically turn on tomorrow.

Last night at the writers' festival I was more than charmed by the former GG and the historian. It was a wonderful conversation by two women who have seen it all (in terms of the feminist movement). My heart absolutely swelled as I watched these two women up on stage WITHOUT men, with an audience paying rapt attention to their IDEAS about politics, war, the arts, whatever. It was GREAAAAAAAAAAAAT! They reminded me of the importance of the highest level of effort, and the highest level of rigour (quantitative as well as moral/normative). No complacency permitted. No waiting for someone else to do the hard work.

There was a silly woman beside me who when the talk was over leaned over and pretentiously told me how much she misses this GG. I asked her if she knew her personally. :) (Of course not.) We have a lovely GG right now. Black. A Haitian immigrant. A journalist. An interesting woman in her own right. And this former GG has not left public life. Quite the contrary; she has two new books out.

Wow! THis turned into less fluff and more rant already! It must be that time of the month. ;-)

It's good. I feel very driven.

But here's the big announcement:

I am ready to date.

I actually am.

I was the festival last night and although there were no real options, I realized that I am sufficiently happy and sufficiently confident at the moment that I would enjoy dating. Annoying men will be water off a duck's back. I do believe that it is all about believing in yourself. If you believe that you are worthwhile (and also that others are worthwhile), you don't invest so much in it. You still have yourself to go home to. It's just...meeting new people. I'm not going to go online, or anything, but I'm going to go out more and talk to more people. Also, I'm going ot be just friends with Marco in May. It's what I want. I want to find someone who is more suitable for me.

Well, I failed to mention that there was ONE option at the festival. There's a guy in the writing community (handsome, too) here who was chatting me up on both evenings, and watching me as I walked around, positioning himself near me at every turn. Married though. I hate that. I gave him the evil eye as he positioned himself to meet me by the door as I left. I have no tolerance for infidelity. I could never respect someone who did that...and therefore I could never sleep with someone like that! Really, I'm a tough cookie. But if you don't have your values, what do you have?

Do you know what makes me happy though? I know that I will be happy whether or not the dating thing works out. I am happy right now because my life is rich with intellectual stimulation. That's what floats my boat. Now, off to read the book on the uses and abuses of history that I bought last night! Yippee!

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7:42 p.m. - 2009-04-28

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