enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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From far and wide...

Sitting up listening to our national anthem - and singing along, of course - as the CBC (tv) goes off the air. It's only 1:38 a.m. on a Sunday morning, but we're nerdy like that.

Had a lovely day. Was at C.'s tonight watching The Reader. I like to think that I'm not jaded or anything, and I wanted to like it, but I did not. I won't go on and on about it, but both C. and I felt (I think) that it was a movie that should have been made in German. I mean, in no way did this movie have the power of The Lives of Oth3rs. I thought that Kate's accent made the dialogue seem stilted, particularly compared with the accent of the Michael character. And then the law professor (whom I've seen in ITALIAN movies) with the Italian-German accented English made me laugh out loud. Kind of reminded me of Robin H00d with Kevin Costn3r, only in that instance I was endlessly grateful that Kev DID NOT attempt an English accent.

I'm completely crap at accents myself, so don't mind me. I also thought there were too many plot holes. I never seem to like the same movies as other people. Possibly I'm too critical of fiction, and deffo of Hollywood.

Anyhow...moving on.

We had a weird thunderstorm roll through here this afternoon. Whenever it gets hot here it gets very humid - double whammy for the girl who sweats under the eaves - and with humidity comes thunderstorms. C. called me to tell me to unplug my computer (yes - he really does that). I didn't myself see the sheet lightning go through but apparently it did, for there were wailing fire engine sirens for quite some time afterwards. I walked out to pick up the movie and a couple of fire engine trucks rolled by. I could not see any signs of need so I had no idea where they were going, but that was interesting.

Actually, speaking of firemen, I was quite astounded to see firemen peering out through the sides of the firetrucks, checking ME out. I mean, that was a shock. Dudes - can't you find any young women walking along the street in this BAR district on a Saturday night? Somehow I wasn't even flattered. Maybe they check out women because checking on power outages is not their idea of a Saturday night good time. No idea!

Lots of respect for firemen, though. They're like the kindly, handsome version of coppers, don't you think. Although I once knew a guy (I ran with him) who was a police officer who was a lovely, lovely man. So I shouldn't lump them all together. I'm terrible in that way.

So...nothing else new. C. and I had a little bit of a fight because I was chewing on the nails of my right hand tonight. I haven't bitten my nails in ages and I never take it very far, but I found I was a bit nervous today. I listened to a podcast of something I had saved from last year today and I think it affected me. I won't write about it now, but it was a podcast of an interview with the Irish writer Nuala O'Faolain, who died last year at the age of 68. There were many parallels to my own life in the story that she told of her rather sad life. Quite sad. And even elegiac, even though she didn't know then that she would be dead in five years. Like I said the other day, am thinking a lot about mortality these days. No sooner is one worry done with than I replace it with another. I want to do so much more...

But...walking home I felt intense gratitude for what I have. C. said again tonight that the growth that I've achieved this year has been monumental. He is not one to flatter, so I believe him. I feel it myself. It is true. I feel trust and confidence that I have never felt before. Hopefully it can only grow from here. You plant a seed...C. was angry with me essentially because I was worrying about ending up lonely like Nuala O'Faolain found herself, and disappointed I suspect, when in C.'s view I had to get through all of the stuff I've worked my way through at work and the like in order to be prepared to *have* more relationships. He is spot on, of course. I say and know this myself. But I get so impatient! I want the moon! And the sun and the stars! Life is too beautiful - I want to drink it all in!

Tomorrow, I think, speaking of planting, I will start planting my garden. This should be a disaster waiting to happen. Probably a good test though if I should be allowed to be the caretaker of a puppy in future. :)

Hope you are enjoying a very fine weekend.

1:38 a.m. - 2009-04-26

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