Photobucket

enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got one hand in my pocket...

What a delight to wake up to your comments! And MFV is back and has written an entry. I can't wait to read it!

I've been kind of drab lately and have been writing rubbish for the most part. I've figured out that I'm feeling insecure. The pattern has crept up on me, but it's definitely related to this Italy trip and Marco.

Initially I would think of him and think of this trip with pleasure. At this point the pleasure has turned to trepidation, and also a worry that I *should* in fact be trying to date here. I've made no effort on that front.

I guess I'm conflicted. And the honest truth is that I don't fully understand my feelings. I can't yet sort through them completely.

Another sure sign that I'm feeling insecure is that I am thinking heaps about my hair. Should I trim it? Should I get highlights or lowlights?

And I've been obsessing over the decision to buy a pink dress. I don't quite feel free.

It's a gentle trap this time, at least, since I do feel confident at work at this juncture, smile-critiques or no.

Yes, the expression is likely "the grass is always greener," though I was thinking of something else. This feeling that I have is more frightening - like I'm afraid that this is "all there is." A certain hollowness, I'm afraid. Again, I'm looping back to mortality.

I know I heard someone famous or literary once state that it is good to have your mid-life crisis young... Do you know, I think it was Susan Surandon. I think she might be right, provided that mid-life crises can't come in multiples? ;-)

I have no desire to work today, but I'll feel better about myself if I manage to work hard. That in itself will lift my spirits. So I'll put in the effort. Putting in the effort always has a payoff.

Smile! ;-) Be well! Don't pee on anyone's trampoline! (I often request that C. not "pee on my parade." He rarely complies.) We're like Mutt and J3ff I think. Who were Mutt and J3ff again?

|

9:01 a.m. - 2009-04-21

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08