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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Wasting my extra time this morning on another ramble!

Added later: Don't mind me - I think I'm just venting. I tend to stew about things.

Beautiful morning!

Poor C.! I was worried about him last night. He was only at a concert but he came home very late. I was wondering what had happened to him, since he was tired from his drive the night before. Not good.

Interestingly, I'm only very moderately nervous about my annual evaluation to take place today. In fact, it has only crossed my mind a couple of times. I guess it's that I know I have done my best and beyond for the most part in the last year. Whatever is, is. I also have complete trust about there being another job, which means that this job is proceeding nicely. There will always be another hurdle to jump. I recognize that I'm strong enough now to take risks and jump hurdles. I will figure it out!

An exciting year to come. Each night things start to take shape. Last night I was thinking about being in France for 3 months and then Italy for 3 months next year. That might be too much and too soon, and I may not be willing to leave my job/career trajectory at that time, but it's interesting to dream. I don't think I'd work. I'd take language and art courses or possibly write and otherwise enjoy life. Perhaps I'd try to find a job on an olive farm or in a vineyard for a while. Believe it or not, I would like that!

This all raises the question of whether I can be happy again not tethered to a routine/duty. When I was young I did this several times - take off and experience life. The thing about traveling like this is that it tests a person. It is quite gruelling, is proper traveling. It is not going somewhere and sitting in a hotel for a week. Time passes and you have incredible highs and incredible lows when backpacking. You're not exactly linked to the world, in a way. I wouldn't trade those experiences. I wonder if I'm too old for them now. I wonder if instead I should have a job somewhere when I go. But then that kind of defeats the purpose of self-exploration. Hmmm...Tricky!

OH! I watched an interesting Klimt documentary last night. Don't worry though - I don't plan to set up a studio full of lolling nude ladies. :)

The first step, I realize, is to take courses here. I asked Farrah if you can believe it (do you remember Farrah? She's been much nicer to me in the last year) for some suggestions re. cooking courses in Ottawa and she came back with some very intriguing options.

I'm going to take cooking and art courses and will have a blast. And when I return from Italy I will join the cycling club.

Wow! That was a typical ramble!

Tonight I'm at the ballet. Romeo and Juliet. Wish you could come with. Sigh. Lovely.


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8:06 a.m. - 2009-04-17

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