enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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And that is what Italy was for...

I'm such a ding dong, you know.

Fault number one: Impulsive as a puppy.

Incidentally, M. emailed today at work, out of the blue (I never email him at work). (We had already exchanged emails about the earthquake and his family being OK.) Two lines, or so:

I felt the earthquake in my bed, you know. I saw the shade on the ceiling lamp moving and wasn't sure if it was actually all of the bad wine I had drunk at dinner. I knew that it must have been a big one. Can't wait to see you in just a few weeks.

C'est tout.

Cryptic, non?

So I realized today that in the end I don't care much more for M. than as a friend. I definitely did feel more as late as December, but now I think the liking and being liked is more about ego (and also about the memories associated with my trip last spring, which reignited a little something inside of me (it was about time)).

Let's hope it's the following (stealing this from somewhere else, but it is, ultimately, from the Decameron):

And it pleased Him that this love of mine,
whose warmth exceeded all others, and which had stood firm
and unyielding against all the pressures of good intention,
helpful advice, and the risk of danger and open scandal,
should in the course of time diminish of its own accord.
So that now, all that is left of it in my mind is the delectable feeling which Love habitually reserves for those who refrain from venturing too far upon its deepest waters.
And thus what was once a source of pain has now become,
having shed all discomfort, an abiding sensation of pleasure.

Methinks this is going to be an INTERESTING trip in May. Video to come. :)

8:18 p.m. - 2009-04-14

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