enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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No one else needs to love your life - only you do.

OK.

Having a delicious time. This long weekend in the sun is just the bestest!

I think I've decided to travel all over the world and have interesting even if brief affairs. I've done a bit of that already - A. in England, S. and R. in Australia, and of course M. in Italia.

There is just so nothing wrong with this life! I had wonderful connections with all of these men (well, I might except S. from that description), and a life of sensual pleasures does not offend me in any way. :)

I can't wait to see what M. has planned for our birthdays when I am there. He emailed me the other day to tell me that he is planning something special to celebrate our birthdays (his was last month; clearly he is remembering that mine is in May, whilst I'm there). He wanted to be sure that he had my telephone number in Italy so he asked for it twice.

Do you know, I really don't give two hoots about this being an "in Italy" thing. I feel good about our friendship. I trust him. It doesn't have to be forever. It's lovely though to like someone. Delicious, you know?

So Fifi will be delighted to hear that last night I decided that - screw the money - I'm going to take that Italian intensive cooking course in the first week that I am there. There's simply nothing that I like better than things made carefully from first principles. But don't you think that Italian intensive should involve something more than food? ;-)

Last night I sort of figured out pasta on my own. The last time I had made it I had made it too tough. I realized last night that I simply need to treat it as I do bread dough - feel the texture and understand how it should be. So in my darkened kitchen (the lights are burned out (tiny little halogen string lighting) :)) I made a small batch of my own egg pasta. I made ravioli stuffed with sweet butternut squash and fresh basil. I popped half of them into a pot to cook, and then drizzled the lot with good olive oil and a sprinkling of fresh basil and fresh parm reg. and salt and pepper, poured a good glass of Zinfandel. Absolutely delicious.

Afterwards I pretty much devoured my book about the Italian Affair which, yes, explains an awful lot of my satisfaction with my current vita bella. :) I went to bed too late and here I am, trying to pull myself out of my stupor of pleasure to meet C. for a dutiful run. Or at least running feels like "duty" today. I don't want any of it. Still, it's good to keep oneself regular in a physical sense, and the run will keep the weekend chugging along well. I'll eat the remainder of the pasta afterwards.

Bon.

Oh! I had a marvellous revelation last night! I only have the tv on French these days. I was cooking and suddenly I realized that I was just listening to the tv, not even aware that it was in French but understanding every word. I used to always have to be looking at the tv to be paying attention. Makes me want to start my Italian study again...which I will. Ladies, I am moving to Europe either next year or the year after. I am going to do some touring and thinking. La vita bella...

I love the way the little stones line up like a path that lights the way in the moonlight. It's like the fairytales my grandmother used to paint for me when I was a child (yes - I actually mean paint). My landlord, in his French way, made me feel beautiful, no matter what I was wearing. I would say, "But R., this is not chic!" And he would say, "It is the way that you wear it. It is in your way." It's all bullshit, I realize, but doesn't everyone need some bullshit of that variety here and there? (Although, in a way, what I'm saying is the opposite: falling into pleasure is about as true as anything gets.) I'm officially declaring my fortieth year the year of drinking in all of the sweet bullshit of this type that I can find. I only wish I'd discovered this when I was younger... :)

12:19 p.m. - 2009-04-12

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