enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Take your time. Tell the truth.

Had a lovely day. Could it have something to do with the fact that everyone at work was already in Easter weekend mode and so not able to focus? Huh? Huh?

I do like it when we're all useless in sync. Can't say that it has...ever happened before.

There's a definite feeling of goodwill in the office right now. I can't put my finger on it. It must be the coming of spring. We know it's coming, in spite of the fact that it is still grey outside and we are still wearing our winter coats.

Speaking of winter coats, I love mine. I bought this shorter one in Florence (thigh length, I guess) at Christmas, since I was stupid and went over there without a warm coat. I bought the coat on a wonderful sale at MaxMara for Euro 137. After I bought it I thought, "Gee, another boring purchase by me" and felt rather badly about being such a dull, unfashionable person.

But the thing is that when you're true to yourself it's always best. This coat is beautifully tailored, black, in lovely wool. Each time I put it on and walk down the street I feel just right. I feel like me and no one else. It fits my body elegantly and loosely; it fits my personal aesthetic perfectly.

So that's the theme of the entry. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. It's true. :) And I'll tell you that I stole that from Eat, Pray, Love, which although I still have my doubts about I am reading again. This kind of relates to the book I am going to write this summer, but nevermind about that. ;-)

Things are finally coming together. Things are loose and easy. I actually had a good conversation with my mother today (see - REALLY slow work day).

I feel good. After work, instead of being a tightwad and walking by the magazine store without allowing myself to buy a magazine to enjoy (I have been in there in the last few months and have never bought anything), I bought the Times Literary Supplement, a sewing magazine with some cool patterns I want to try out on my machine this weekend, and an art magazine that had these super-interesting Claude Levi-Strauss pictures of Brazilian indigenous people in it.

Incidentally, related to the last point, I discovered what saudades means, dear saudades!!! It means nostalgia. How lovely. By the way, Miss saudades, this weekend I am heading across the bridge to the Uni library to FINALLY look at those Nicaragua pictures. I can't wait!

Ah sigh. Long weekends. Lovely.

So tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth. Can't be said often enough! It's the best mantra I can think of. It is what I try to live by.

I often write that I don't believe in happy happy happy. In my world that's dishonest. No one is happy all of the time. OK, maybe except the Dalai Lama and koala bears who are permanently stoned on eucalyptus and have no other tasks at hand than to snuggle up to tree bark. I certainly am not happy all of the time. But the less that I fight not being happy all of the time...the more that I find I am mostly happy, most of the time. I cherish my melancholy and then it's gone and I move on. OK, so maybe "cherish" is a strong word - I struggle with it and try to understand it, and then I move on. :)

I have the feeling that I might have meandered here!

Do you know, months ago a girl at work in the washroom said that I reminded her of Sarah Jessica Park3r. She didn't mean in looks but rather in demeanor. She said that I'm all swingy-like and always smiling as I walk along. Another woman down the hall said roughly the same thing a month or so ago. Funny! And then today I was telling the story (at the staff social - oops) of how at one point when I was a kid I quite reasonably wanted to be a plumber (true), rather than the more glamorous economist that I am ;-), because then I wouldn't have to "talk to people." Hmmm...Kind of a clown.

So I think that telling the truth works. You've got to let it out, and you've got to take time. It takes time to work things out. It takes time to recognize the best choices for oneself. Sometimes, it even takes time to be honest with yourself in the quiet space in which it is only you and there is no reason to be anything but. Honesty can take work.

6:49 p.m. - 2009-04-09

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