enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Il y a longtemps...

ACK! I just got home. I just read the comments to my last entry (didn't bother looking at my OWN diary in SF)...only to see Anna and BoXx's comments to it. ACK!

I apologize profusely to both of them for misunderstanding their plans for Sunday. I was so wrapped up in trying to stay destressed and in (hopefully) making it fun for C. and in not imposing on anyone that...I imposed on their time. I'm not good with fluid plans when I have a companion; I wanted C. to be able to see and do things that day.

Soo..tired and confused. Anxiety. It's getting to me right now.

It's all very weird. On some levels I'm operating at my best - happy at work (surviving, anyhow), feeling in general confident about there being potential in my life for interesting things to happen. On the other hand, I'm looking for things about which to be nervous, and the intensity has increased. Flying, for example. Next time, I will need some drugs. I was OK after the first take off today, but on the way up I was in tears. Not a happy feeling. Horrifying, actually. Every second.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. Will try to do better. Will try to RELAX. Will post pics (have a lovely one of BoXx and Anna) tomorrow.

Must email boss to suggest late arrival tomorrow...

I wish I could ENJOY this wonderful life that I have rather than live in a daze of panic. More thoughts on this tomorrow. Came up with some options today. Ultimately the goal is to just...chill. I seem to have reached a state in which I have to be doing to be getting by. Not a good sign.

Hope everyone is well and had a lovely weekend.

OH! In good news my mother clearly felt badly about the way that she behaved last week and sent me a nice note...after my trip, of course. Nice timing....

In mostly unrelated, but of course partially related "news," I will likely be shutting this diary down for good. Nothing to worry about, and of course if any of you are ever in Ottawa my door is always open. Will update tomorrow!

12:47 a.m. - 2009-04-07

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell