enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is only this space.

No one ever comments when I am feeling good! Either they 1) don't believe me; or 2) don't want me to be happy. Meh. Who cares!

Hmm...

I had an interesting test tonight. This evening, an old friend called me in dire straits. (Weird to think that I have old friends in Ottawa, but in actual fact I do. Many of the people from my past - university, childhood, grad school, etc. - ended up here. I just don't feel close to many of them.) I could tell that he had sunk deeply into depression and needed help now (fortunately he had gone to the doctor already to get some anti-depressants). I didn't want to go out, but I went out with him and let him talk for seven hours. He seemed much better when I left him, and I feel that he felt that I had spent that time with him out of love. I hope he did, at least; I did feel it and do it out of love.

I feel good in my life right now. It is coming slowly but it sticks these days. It is sticking because it's coming from a very deep place. It has taken so long to fill in those foundations. Every year though I get to test and shake those foundations and I find that they can take rumbles that they could not before.

Anyhow. That is not to congratulate myself. It is just to record what I felt. I felt authentic tonight.

Will go to bed shortly. Had a long, brisk walk home and so am not quite sleepy yet. Sleepytime tea should help.

Be well. We all fall. We all hurt. We all suffer. And then, if we're lucky, we feel these pockets - sometimes small; sometimes big - of peace and hope and grace. I hold these dear. I have waited so long for these.

1:35 a.m. - 2009-03-29

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell