enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Colour my world lilac

Still feeling peaceful. Bizarrely placid, in fact.

The anxiety of two days ago *might* have been related to hormones.

But anyhow. Am feeling good. I love it.

The weather is beautiful and spring-like here today. I hope it is the same wherever you are. C. had scheduled a 9 a.m. run for us (we also ran last night), which just wasn't happening. I do love to sleep in on Saturdays, more than anything.

Nevertheless, I made it to C's by 9:20 a.m., still groggy. We had a wonderful run up the canal to the lake. (How much has changed in the landscape in just one week!) Afterwards we had eggs and toast and some sharp old cheddar and good coffee at C.'s. I'm now home and airing out the apartment, thinking about doing more spring cleaning. We were talking about possibly doing a bike ride this afternoon. Not sure. I'm going to continue to take things slowly.

I'm feeling generally peaceful about my life right now. A part of this I am convinced is that I'm permitting what I truly feel and want in life (probably no children, etc.) to be OK. I'm allowing what I am to be OK. I realized that I have tons of good love in my life. I'm not that sold on romantic love, when I think of it. It has its place, and I have enjoyed it at times, but it's not the be all and the end all. Margaret Atw00d once said something to the effect of, "The eskimo (Inuit) have fifty words for snow. We should have as many for love." That's a good point! :) Got an email from an old friend yesterday who was thinking of me. We were once quite close but now our lives are very different. I had let go of her peacefully, because I am OK with the fact that sometimes a relationship has its time and place in the past only. The pieces of my life are not lost. They are all still there. They come back.

Very nice feeling. It all works out in the end. It really does. :)

I know I'm forgetting something. Oh! I went to the hospital yesterday morning for the last check of my broken arm. It is coming along very well. The doctor was pleased. He was very funny yesterday. Before he came into the room I was looking at my x-rays on the screen, trying to figure out where the break had been. He came in and treated me like a child, which was amusing - showing me the various x-rays, teasing me and tapping me on the head. I was half expecting a lollipop!

I am a bit of a kid in some ways. I have no problem with being treated as one.

:)

OK. Am craving a cup of herbal tea. The windows are wide open. I usher spring inside!

Oh! PS The lovely hungryghost (who is going through such a tough time this year) posted an article the other day which resonated with me. It's ultimately about how we have an inner warrior, a survivor in us who will gradually nurture us back to strength through even prolonged periods of suffering. I believe this.

12:15 p.m. - 2009-03-28

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