enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Cross my heart.

An interesting day.

OK, maybe not. :)

I just walked home past the site of the Winterlude festival. I wish I'd had my camera with me as it was a debris field of broken ice sculptures. It looked like something out of ancient Greece, like the Roman forum...

OK, maybe not.

I went to my appointment with the orthopaedic guy at the hospital this morning. My appointment was a half hour later than last week's, and what a difference a half hour makes! I waited forever, but then I saw the doc and all seems to be going well - I'm very impressed with the after care here - and I HAVE noticed an increase in strength in the last week. There still are some mobility issues so I might need to try out physio, but I am confident that I can rehabilitate it on my own after the splint comes off next week.

So...good news.

I went to French after that. Next semester I need to get them to switch me up a few levels in courses. The people in my class, albeit smart individuals in economics, are taking way too long to learn this stuff. I don't understand it. I don't think of myself as a language person but I can do THREE exercises and read an article in the time that the others do one. It is mystifying.

Anyhow...I hope that they will switch me. I find myself starting to become impatient in class and I don't like it when the nasty parts of my personality surface.

Don't you agree? I was saying to someone the other day that I don't like to be around a particular person because he brings out very negative aspects of my personality. I don't know what it is - something about him is so wishy washy that I find myself starting to get quite (too) forceful, exasperated in his presence.

Happy day though. I feel very peaceful. Very contented. I was doing a bit of browsing at the mall - not sure why, but whatever - and the only thing that got me incensed was the feeling that, as Anna wrote the other day, everyone is trying to sell middle-aged me the line that I need this or that to be more attractive, improve myself, etc.

And frankly, I ain't buying it. I think I am the worst customer. I'm the picky one who won't buy anything unless it is perfect. I don't believe anything you have to say to me if the fabric and fit are not up to snuff.

I also did get a little bit incensed in the lingerie store. I have a HUGE problem with push-up bras with padding that one CANNOT remove. Apologies to those who like them, but I find these bras offensive. First, they're telling me that my boobs are not big enough as they are. Second, they're telling me that the only good boobs are ones up around your chin. I totally don't agree on both counts. I also can't stand the fact that they're all cheaply made and in disgusting, tacky colours.

I don't know why I bother shopping - I just don't like it that much. I like it when there is something specific that I really need, e.g., a classy work item or a pair of necessary shoes, or a dress for a special event. One of these days I know that I'm just going to stop shopping altogether (unless I can afford to hire someone to SHOP for me! ;-)). I always wondered about those women (the non-shopping women, that is), but now I get it. My favourite math teacher, for example, seemed to have stopped buying clothes in the 1960s. This was the wonderful, curmudgeonly Valentina, graduate of Moscow University and the woman who single-handedly prepared me in HIGH SCHOOL for the job that I do now (honestly, not much was added in my uni math degree - she was that good).

Yeah. You see those women around. They look as though they MIGHT smell of moth balls. I think I am going to become one of those women. I just don't WANT to put in the effort.

It's a good thing that I don't live in Italy! :) Although having said that, maybe old ladies in Italy all wear those plan black dresses and skirts and sweaters because, apart from being widowed, they burned out from so much shopping in their respective youths. :)

Anyhow. Apologies for the rant on shopping.

I think that anything that conspires to make women feel that they have to keep on buying things and changing things about themselves to be worthwhile is what pisses me off. You don't notice it after a while - you get so numb or you buy into it and become paranoid (me) - but then you wake up one day and think, "FUCK this!"

I'm too cross to ever be married, aren't I?

I'm STAAAAAAAAARVING. Bought Under the Tuscan Sun as it was in a bin in the Music Store (and as cheesy as it is I do enjoy that movie) and it's a toss up between that and A Room with a View for tonight's entertainment. Bon.

As I think of it, I think that why I'm still drawn to clothes in spite of my shopping dislike is what Anna said the other day - I need to be surrounded in beauty. Hopefully I will get off my ass and start doing art and then the problem will be solved...

4:06 p.m. - 2009-03-06

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